Good Intentions Gone Wrong

Mark 14:29> “Peter told Him, “Even if everyone runs away, I will certainly not!”

     The more I read about Peter the more I can relate to him. His heart seems to be in the right place yet, he does not always follow through. He has good intentions that end up going wrong. He means well but…. (OUCH!)
     When Jesus said, “Follow Me,” Peter left the only life he had known and he did so immediately. He didn’t know that in following Him he would witness countless miracles and even take part in some of them. He didn’t know the role he would one day play for Jesus. He didn’t know that he would one day be identified as the rock on which His church would be built. He didn’t know he had a purpose. He didn’t know that he had been specifically chosen and not at random. Moreover, he certainly did not know that he would one day die for Him. The one thing Peter did know was he had to follow Him. There was something. Perhaps it was His eyes when He first looked at him, maybe His voice when He first spoke, or the way He approached him. With Jesus, it could have been all three! The one thing he knew at that moment was he had to follow Him and he needed to find out why. Just who was He?
     For three years, Peter walked with Jesus. He experienced life with Him. He’d been in a few storms with Him and even got to walk on water once. He learned the importance of keeping his eyes on Jesus, no matter how high the waves got. His greatest lesson from one of the storms was Who had authority over them. He witnessed first-hand the wind and waves obeying this Man.  One thing is for sure, Jesus was certainly no ordinary man. It was during these three short years that he learned that the man he had chosen to follow was indeed the Messiah, the Son of the living God.  With this revelation came a heart that fully intended to follow Him, wherever He would go. Although Jesus had told him and the other disciples on many occasions that He was going to die, they didn’t seem to comprehend it (or didn’t want to). They heard Him say it but didn’t listen to what He was saying. (That’s another blog!) I wonder if it was because they wanted more time with Him. Had He really come into their lives for a short time just to leave them (even if it was by death)? Surely, that couldn’t be long enough to be a true witness for Him. Jesus knew His purpose on earth; Peter and the others did not. The three years spent with Jesus was preparing them for theirs.
     While reclining at the table during the Passover meal, Jesus told the twelve disciples that one of them would betray Him. Just like the others, Peter said, “Surely not I, Lord?” Even the guilty one would say the same thing. Jesus knew each of their hearts, as well as their intentions. Peter believed he could never betray Jesus; he never imagined that he would soon deny Him … more than once. Especially after all he had seen and taken part in. He really had good intentions. 
     At the Mount of Olives, Jesus revealed to them that that very night all of them would run away because of Him. Peter exclaimed, “Even if everyone runs away because of You, I will never run away!” Nevertheless, Jesus knew different. He knew Peter would deny Him three times before the rooster crowed. For him to wrap his mind around denying Christ was something he could not do. “Even if I have to die with You,” he said, “I will never deny You!” He couldn’t imagine denying the Messiah. He knew who Jesus was for crying out-loud! He’d seen the eyes of the blind opened, the dead rise, an adulterous woman be forgiven and changed. He’d seen thousands of people fed from a single boy’s lunch; even a legion of demons letting go to give a young man back his mind. Peter had seen impossible things become possible. Only with the Son of God could those things have taken place. He knew that with all his heart. That’s why he drew his sword, struck the high priest’s slave, and cut off his right ear. His intent was to defend Jesus; it was never to deny Him.
     No, Peter couldn’t imagine that he would ever deny Jesus. Yet he did … three times. Bless his heart he couldn’t even stay awake and pray when Jesus said to. I think it was his intention, if for no other reason, simply because he was told to. (Wouldn’t you try, too?) His response to Peter’s sleeping was for more than just that moment: “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” (Matthew 26:41)  If only Peter had really listened to His words. Maybe by remembering the words spoken it would have drowned the denials as they formed on his lips. Maybe only one denial would have slipped out. Just maybe if we would remember the words spoken to Peter that night we might not deny (in action or word) knowing Jesus, either. Maybe if we watched and prayed more we might not fall into temptation as well. Our intentions may be good also and yet they somehow go wrong, too.
     Peter’s intentions, although well meant, were not enough. And he knew it. His heart was broken for denying the very One he never thought he would and he wept bitterly. The Amplified Bible says, he “wept bitterly [in repentance].” That was the key – repentance. With true repentance forgiveness is given. No matter what the world believes, good intentions will not get you to heaven. It is not a pathway there. Repentance is required.

In awe of Him,

Vonda

**If you find yourself with good intentions gone wrong, repent and accept forgiveness. God already knows your heart. He’s just waiting on you.

 

        

    

    

Not My Will, But Yours

Luke 22:42> “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not My will, but Yours, be done.” (NKJV)

What a powerful prayer. If not careful, one could read right over the verse and not feel the impact of what was going on. If you do not visualize and understand that while Jesus, God’s Son, was on this earth He was indeed in human form. He was flesh and blood just like us. He had a heart that beat just like ours. Blood flowed through His veins just like ours. He even knew pain just as we do. Yes, He was God. He knew what the outcome of what was going to happen would be. However, we forget sometimes that there would still be pain. He would not escape that.

Although Jesus lived a perfect, sinless life, He never escaped things “thrown” at Him. He knew what being tired felt like. He knew sadness and even wept. He knew friendships and He knew betrayal. I don’t know about you but the word “perfect” can throw me for a loop. I would think that somewhere in that definition ought to include “no temptations” or “smooth-sailing”. However, it doesn’t. If there were any way possible at all that I could come close to living a perfect, sinless life, it would have to be without temptations and hand in hand with smooth sailing. Oh and then this old flesh of mine would have to be removed. (Can I get an Amen?) While here on earth that is just not going to happen.

Things were about to change for Jesus. It was about to get hard; it was about to become a very difficult time for Him. He and the disciples had just partaken of their last supper together. This had not been just any meal. I wonder if the disciples felt that. Did they sense how different this one was? It was the Passover, but this meal meant more than they comprehended. One from Jesus’ inner circle was about to betray Him. He knew it but no one else did. He even knew who it would be. The weight of that alone had to be a strain. Yet the Lord knew the betrayal had to happen. It was part of the plan. Moreover, this was not just any plan; it was the plan of redemption.

Once they had finished the Passover meal, “they sang a hymn and went out to the Mount of Olives” (Matthew 26:30). That was a nice little nugget tucked away in Scripture. Jesus sang! I mean, we have probably never really thought about it, but here it just lets us know He did.  I wonder if He was an alto, perhaps He was a tenor, maybe a baritone, or even a bass. Then again, we are talking about Jesus. He probably had every vocal range there was. (I wonder if He will sing for us, or if we will get to sing with Him in Heaven. Hmmmmm…)

Gethsemane is the name of an olive orchard inside the Mount of Olives. Jesus liked this place. He went there frequently with His disciples to pray. (Judas knew this. He had gone there with Jesus before, also. However, this night he would not go with Him, he would go for Him.) In my mind’s eye, I imagine a beautiful place, a place that would just draw you to it. Rows of trees lined beautifully offering solitude and perhaps a nice shade during the day. Maybe a particular tree drew Jesus to a certain spot (if indeed He had one). Maybe a certain place appeared the most inviting to pray alone and/or with friends. Maybe that’s where He felt closest to His Father. In my mind's eye, I can see why this place was chose. There was something comforting about it. No wonder this is where He came when one of His own was about to betray Him. Even knowing it would happen certainly did not make it less painful. He was human, after all.

Have you ever been in such emotional pain that you really wanted to be alone and yet at the same time, not? You just needed your closest friends to stand (kneel, sit, lay, squat, etc.) close by praying? Getting downright messy in your prayer may not necessarily be what you want your friends to see. You know the kind; they’re the ugly cries that distort your face! Those kind of cries are heart wrenching. Not just for you but also for those who see it. That kind of crying comes from down deep. A place filled with pain. A place perhaps you never wanted to experience, let alone expose. I’ve done a few of those. Some of those cries were in pure repentance; and some were in deep emotional pain. Sometimes both combined.

It was about to get real for Jesus in Gethsemane. Now He was going knowing that the weight of sin was about to be on His shoulders. Sin was certainly something He’d never experienced before yet He knew the magnitude of it because of the price required. No wonder He needed Gethsemane, a familiar and comforting place. However, on this night its beauty and comfort was at risk of changing...only if allowed to. The betrayal that was about to take place could easily ruin what it meant to Him and even to His disciples. (Just a thought but could it be that what was about to take place, beauty and comfort was needed to put focus on in order to endure?)  

“My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death” (Mark 13:34 NKJV). The sorrow Jesus felt had to be hard to endure. I would imagine it was a feeling like He had never felt before. Knowing it was for a purpose may not have been very comforting right then. Well, it least for me it might not be. I cannot imagine the weight of the world on my shoulders like He did. Not to mention His shoulders were human shoulders. It did not mean He was weak, it means He knows pain. I am grateful for that.

When deep sorrow comes my way, I know that Jesus knows how I feel. I may not know the pain He endured but He certainly knows mine. When I cry out, “Lord, take this sorrow, this pain from me!” He knows how I feel. And you know what? It makes it a little bit easier to say, “Lord, it’s not what I want, but what You want”.  Just as He knew what was on the other side of His pain, He knows what is on the other side of ours.

In awe of Him,

Vonda

An Awesome, Terrible Thing

Joel 2:11 > “The LORD is at the head of the column. He leads them with a shout. This is His mighty army, and they follow His orders. The day of the LORD is an awesome, terrible thing. Who can possibly survive?” (NLT)

     

     What an interesting way to describe “the day of the Lord” as both awesome and terrible. To place these two words side by side seemed odd to me. It did not make sense to put them together, separated only by a comma. At least until I dug a little deeper. They had more in common than I thought.

     When I first looked at the word awesome, immediately I thought of something good. But then, the word terrible threw me off. Is not that the opposite of awesome? How can these two words possibly go together? Aren't they different? That is definitely a yes and no question. It never fails to surprise me at the placement of words in the Bible. Their placement has a reason. Maybe it is to cause us to dig a little deeper.

     Looking at the word awesome, I thought of something extremely good. Although it does mean that as too, there is still much more. We have thrown the word around so much and used it in ways that it has become much less than its true meaning. I heard someone say once “only God is awesome. The word should never be attached to another being or thing.” I admit that I have used the word very loosely, myself. I love my husband very much and there are days that I think he is pretty awesome! I think Greek Quesadilla’s are out of this world and I’ve claimed them to be pretty awesome, too! Although I may feel that way, and literally believe it, only God holds its truest meaning.

      When I looked further into the definition of awesome, I was startled. One definition used is - *causing feelings of fear and wonder*. Both are used at the same time! It is a feeling that is hard to describe and comprehend. Yet I know it exists because I have felt it. I felt it to my very core when in the presence of the Almighty. It was a feeling that almost took my breath away; one that I had never experienced before. Honestly, the days I said that my husband, as well as, Greek Quesadilla’s was pretty awesome, I never felt both fear and wonder. Wonder, yes, but not fear with it. I know the word for fear means - *a feeling of respect and wonder for something very powerful*. Only God is that powerful and I understand that. Nothing and no one holds a finger to Him.

     I suppose I’m a little weird. Not only am I a word person, I like to look at the list of synonyms that are included with it. With awesome was the word “awful”. I know what you’re thinking because I did, too. Awful to me meant something bad and awesome meant something good; they were totally opposite. How could they mean the same? Well, they both share one of the same definitions: *causing feelings of fear and wonder*. Who knew?? Both words had more in common than I thought. I had begun to understand a little more about the word ‘awesome’ and it was now time to move on to ‘terrible’. (I just love words!)

     The word terrible is defined as - *very shocking and upsetting*. Upsetting is defined as - *confusion*. You are not just shocked and upset, as well as confused; you are all of them! I do have to admit that I have felt these together before. As I am sure, most of us have and do. All you have to do is look at our world today. What the world considers okay is both shocking and upsetting. It is flat-out confusing! A person, no matter the age, is allowed to determine his/her own gender; a baby can be killed right after birth, and even before, if the mother so chooses …etc. More people should be shocked and upset! It’s confusing when they are not.

     The combination of these words used in the verse now has meaning. On the day of the Lord, there will be feelings of fear/respect and wonder of an all-powerful God. We will finally be able to see Him in all His glory; something that we cannot possibly do right now. I cannot imagine what that will be like. To behold the One that loved us enough to die for us. How truly awesome that will be! Yet, for some it will be a shocking and upsetting/confusing day. To finally be able to behold Him, believing that eternity with Him is inevitable, just to hear Him say, “I never knew you; depart from Me,” (Matt. 7:23 NLT). How incredibly terrible, completely devastating, that day will be for those. Who can possibly survive?

Looking at the meaning behind each word in question, I understand why “The day of the LORD is an awesome, terrible thing.”

In awe of Him,

Vonda

**Definitions are from Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Searching For Christ at Christmas

To get caught-up in the glitter of Christmas is easy, with all the decorations and lights. The new movies this year, along with some of the old ones, make for a wonderful lazy day or a “feel good” afternoon. It certainly does something to me. My heart feels lighter and full of joy. However, this year, well it is a little different. I still love the glitter of Christmas but something is missing.

The Hallmark movies, although enjoyable, are not capturing Christmas for me. I have found myself frantically looking for it. There is something, better yet, Someone, missing. It is Jesus. It is His story. Hallmark is full with stories of newfound love. What about the “old” (for lack of a better word) love? The one shown to us many years ago? Our hearts soar at the idea of two people finding their way to each other. What about a Father who sent His very own Son for all people simply because He loved them? Do our hearts soar for that? We find whimsical love stories more believable and enjoyable than one of a loving Father willing to give us His Best.

I settled down on the couch with a blanket in anticipation of a Hallmark afternoon. Or, so I thought. I needed to feel Christmas. Not just, see it. I was not looking for the “feel-good” aspect of it. I was looking to feel the real part of it. With my whole heart, I asked God to show me Christmas.  That is exactly what He wanted to do. Am I ready for it? Oh Lord, I hope so!  

Time had come for Mary’s baby to be born. This was her first baby, therefore, she had no idea what to expect. My guess is she felt somewhat frightened. (I know I did.) Had she heard stories from others of their experience? Did her mother tell her anything at all? Or, was she too ashamed of the pregnancy to prepare her? When Mary went to visit Elizabeth (who was “well along in years”) had they shared their concerns and fears of what the actual delivery would be like? Of course, Elizabeth was full of joy finally being pregnant, so perhaps she never thought of the actual giving birth. But, Mary? She had not even experienced a marital relationship, so she definitely did not know what to expect.  Fear had to be felt that night. How could it not be?

Had she imagined her baby would be born in a place like this? After all, the angel had told her, “He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High” (Luke 1:32). She was not giving birth to simply a sweet new life; she was giving birth to the Son of the Most High, God. This changed everything. Perhaps her labor pains were intense enough that where she gave birth didn’t really matter.  The anticipation of finally holding this little life growing inside her had to be high. What color would his eyes be? What about the color of his hair? Better yet, what will the Son of God look like? Fear and anticipation held hands that night. Fear of the pain possibly ahead and anticipation of seeing the Christ child. Her heart was full!

I haven't seen any movies capturing this story, true story, at all. (Maybe I’m looking on the wrong channel.) The nativities displayed even seem to feel a little cold and distant, as if it were just a story that had never been true. Where is Christ this Christmas? I desperately wanted to know.

The wise men went looking for Him. “Where is He that is born King of the Jews” (Matthew 2:2). Because they were looking…they found Him! That is what I had to do. I had to search for Him. It was up to me to find Him this Christmas. Jeremiah 29:13 says, “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.”

Jesus was there all along. He had not left the scene of Christmas; I had overlooked Him. Now when I look at the lights (even with the colored ones) on my trees (yes, I have more than one), I imagine the stars in the sky that perfect night the Messiah was born. I think of Mary and the anticipation she must have felt waiting to hold this perfect life that had been growing inside her. I think of Joseph, wide-eyed in wonder of it all. I even think of the animals in the stable (what were they even thinking?). The angels surely anticipated seeing what the One who had lived with them in heaven would look like in flesh. Then I think of the Father. His plan for our redemption was just beginning on earth. The Way to Him was being born. How could I not think of those things?

It is up to us to look for Christ in Christmas...open your eyes because He is there!

In awe of Him,

Vonda

"Who Do You Say That I Am?"

We live in a world that has decided who God is. HE's been reduced to mere humanity. No longer is HE just, no longer is HE sovereign and no longer is HE perfect. HE is filled with flaws. The world has stripped the living God from everything that makes HIM exactly who HE is. Unfortunately, even Christians today look at who the world says God is and easily point fingers and condemn. Sadly, I have been, and at times still am, one of them. (I do not admit that with pride. It is with deep conviction.) I, too, have reduced God to who I wanted HIM to be. And that also makes HIM flawed.

In Matthew 16:13 Jesus asked HIS disciples, "Who do people say that the Son of Man is?" And they responded with what they had heard. The world has given its own definition of who they think God is, as well. But it's HIS next question to the disciples in verse 15 that stirs me, "But who do you say that I am?" Now Jesus gets personal. I believe it was the main question that HE was really asking. The very ones that were following HIM were the ones who needed to be convinced of who HE really was. If they didn't know for sure, then how could they tell others? 
     
We get angry when the world's definition of who God is doesn't line up with HIS word. But what about when we, as Christians, have made up our own ideas of who God is? We tend to expect the world's definition of God to be spot on and yet feel pretty good about our own. Do we really believe HE is just? Do we really believe HE is sovereign? Do we really believe HE is perfect? The right answer would be to say "yes". But, is it always the truth?
     
It's a personal question God is asking me, too. "Regardless of who the world says that I am, and regardless of who other Christians say that I am, what matters the most right now, Vonda, is who do you say that I am?"  That really struck home. Before I point and condemn others, I need to take a long hard look at myself. Right smack in the middle of adversity who do I say and truly believe God is? When it feels like my world is falling apart, who do I say and truly believe God is?

If I am not convinced that HE is just, sovereign, perfect and 100% flawless then how can I tell others?  

In awe of HIM,
Vonda 

“Unbind him and let him go!”

John 11:1-44

Mary and Martha had sent word to Jesus that their brother Lazarus, His dear friend, was sick. Instead of stopping, what He was doing and going straight to his side, Jesus waited two more days. By the time He had gotten there, Lazarus had been dead four days. Four whole days! Jesus was too late to heal him. However, it was not going to stop Jesus from showing them God’s glory, even if they did believe He had been too late. 

Placed at the entrance of the tomb, was a large stone. However, it was not going to deter Jesus! With a loud voice He said, “Take away the stone.” Martha spoke up and reminded Him that Lazarus had been dead four days. There would be an odor and it would be horrible! Aww, but Jesus had a plan. With His eyes lifted toward heaven He prayed aloud. After all, it was for their benefit that he did so. Then loudly Jesus called him by name and said, “Lazarus, come out.” And that’s exactly what he did…he came out! (John 11:43-44) The one, who had died four days earlier, now completely alive, came out of the tomb. I wonder if anyone fainted at the site of a man who had been dead now coming forth for all to see. I can only imagine.

Lazarus’ body had been prepared for burial after he had died. His hands and feet were bound with linen strips (NLT says ‘grave clothes’) and his face was wrapped with a cloth. As he stood in front of everyone, fully alive, Jesus said, “Unbind him, and let him go.” With those words spoken, Lazarus was free from what had him bound in the tomb. It had let him go. No longer was he dead; no longer was he bound. He was free.

That speaks volumes to my soul. Jesus spoke to the very thing that had Lazarus bound, the very thing that kept him from being free. (Did you get that?)That gives me goosebumps. Lazarus, being alive again and yet still bound, would never have experienced complete freedom. After all, how beneficial would life be if it were being lived in bondage? Jesus, with His infinite power and wisdom, knew it. To live free, the thing that had him bound was the exact same thing that had to let him go. After all, His plan had been to set Lazarus completely free and not to be confined.

There were four directives given by Jesus:

1)    take away the stone - remove the obstacle

2)    come out - do not stay in

3)    unbind him – release what is holding

4)    let him go - experience freedom

Jesus still does that for us today. He removes the obstacles that keep us in and He speaks to the very things that have us bound. It is so we can personally experience freedom. 

“If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36

In awe of Him,

Vonda

 ** Just a thought **

Have you ever wondered who, or what, “them” were? Was it the people close by who Jesus said to unbind Lazarus and let him go? Or was it actually the grave clothes? Just who or what were “them”…

 Am I the only one who has ever pondered that? Nonetheless, either scenario works! After all, we are talking about Jesus. Things happen when He speaks! 

Time Lost

It’s sad when your eyes are finally opened to time that has been lost. Time that you cannot get back. Time that has been wasted. Regret starts to sink in. You can’t go back and change anything. “I’m sorry” is no longer possible to say. It’s really hard when you have to admit that that particular time is now gone.

There’s been too much death lately. Yet, we know that it is inevitable. Our loved ones will pass on from this life, the life we share with them. It doesn’t make it easy whatsoever to know that it is a part of life. It just explains it. So, what are we, am I, going to do with the time we, I, have now? That’s the important question.

I’ve lost time with loved ones that could have been different.  I truly could have spent more time with them. I could have allowed them to even impact my life in a positive way, if only I had looked. But I didn’t, I chose not to. I let the negative (my insecurity) overpower instead of looking where there could have been positive. Yes, I am ashamed. Yes, I’d love to go back in time, change it and make it better. But I can’t. That time is now lost. Quite honestly, I don’t do well losing things. Normally I try to find whatever is lost. Especially, if it has value to it. Why is it so different with people? Why do we, I, settle with knowing we, I, could do better in finding time and then don’t? How important is it? These past few days have taught me how valuable time really is.

I have family that I haven’t seen in quite a while. At least, that is, until lately. Recently I’ve spent time with them for an important occasion. Not a joyous one, but an important one nonetheless. One rainy afternoon we gathered with a cousin as he and his daughters, laid his wife and their mother to rest. Time had not been on their side. In fact, it had been robbed from them. (Or was it? God knew the when, where and how. He knew the condition of each heart.) Satan had come to “steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10) their family. For the outsider looking in it could have easily appeared as if he had succeeded. And just for a moment, we could have believed it to. But what the Enemy cannot steal, kill nor destroy are the memories that had been shared. According to our cousin’s pictures and stories, even the things we’d personally witnessed, they’d shared some really great ones! Laughter had once been in their home. It had filled their hearts. Attending church and worshiping the Lord together as a family had really happened. Those times were real…that’s what Satan cannot take. It’s those things we have to hold on to. We don’t hold on to things we wish were different. We have to let those go. If we don’t, then Satan wins. What determines if he wins or not will be what we choose to remember.

That even holds true for us as we look back and see where we could have spent more time with our loved ones. I really could have. The invitation was there to do so, but I chose not to. Is that what I’m going to remember? That the sad truth is I chose not to? Or am I going to allow myself to remember the last good time together? The answer is simple…do I want Satan to win or not? No!!

Just six days after laying one loved one to rest another one is said good-bye to. Once again Satan tried to steal, kill and destroy a life. And again he didn’t win! Just a few days before his last breath he’d gotten it right! He’d asked Jesus into his heart and to be his Lord and Savior. Although cancer had spread throughout his body the knowledge of knowing where he’d spend eternity was more real. That was priceless for his siblings and his children to know. And yes for the rest of us, too.

I do have regrets of not knowing my cousins better. I really do. Regret and knowing that I let them down can flood my heart. I missed out on what could have been. But I can’t change that now. At least, not with those who’ve passed on. But I can with those who are still here.

Psalm 90:12> Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

In awe of Him,

~ Vonda