It’s sad when your eyes are finally opened to time that has been lost. Time that you cannot get back. Time that has been wasted. Regret starts to sink in. You can’t go back and change anything. “I’m sorry” is no longer possible to say. It’s really hard when you have to admit that that particular time is now gone.
There’s been too much death lately. Yet, we
know that it is inevitable. Our loved ones will pass on from this life, the
life we share with them. It doesn’t make it easy whatsoever to know that it is
a part of life. It just explains it. So, what are we, am I, going to do with
the time we, I, have now? That’s the important question.
I’ve lost time with loved ones that could have
been different. I truly could have spent
more time with them. I could have allowed them to even impact my life in a
positive way, if only I had looked. But I didn’t, I chose not to. I let the
negative (my insecurity) overpower instead of looking where there could have
been positive. Yes, I am ashamed. Yes, I’d love to go back in time, change it
and make it better. But I can’t. That time is now lost. Quite honestly, I don’t
do well losing things. Normally I try to find whatever is lost. Especially, if
it has value to it. Why is it so different with people? Why do we, I, settle
with knowing we, I, could do better in finding time and then don’t? How
important is it? These past few days have taught me how valuable time really
is.
I have family that I haven’t seen in quite a
while. At least, that is, until lately. Recently I’ve spent time with them for
an important occasion. Not a joyous one, but an important one nonetheless. One
rainy afternoon we gathered with a cousin as he and his daughters, laid his
wife and their mother to rest. Time had not been on their side. In fact, it had
been robbed from them. (Or was it? God knew the when, where and how. He knew
the condition of each heart.) Satan had come to “steal and kill and destroy”
(John 10:10) their family. For the outsider looking in it could have easily
appeared as if he had succeeded. And just for a moment, we could have believed
it to. But what the Enemy cannot steal, kill nor destroy are the memories that
had been shared. According to our cousin’s pictures and stories, even the
things we’d personally witnessed, they’d shared some really great ones!
Laughter had once been in their home. It had filled their hearts. Attending
church and worshiping the Lord together as a family had really happened. Those
times were real…that’s what Satan cannot take. It’s those things we have to
hold on to. We don’t hold on to things we wish were different. We have to let
those go. If we don’t, then Satan wins. What determines if he wins or not will
be what we choose to remember.
That even holds true for us as we look back
and see where we could have spent more time with our loved ones. I really could
have. The invitation was there to do so, but I chose not to. Is that what I’m
going to remember? That the sad truth is I chose not to? Or am I going to allow
myself to remember the last good time together? The answer is simple…do I want
Satan to win or not? No!!
Just six days after laying one loved one to
rest another one is said good-bye to. Once again Satan tried to steal, kill and
destroy a life. And again he didn’t win! Just a few days before his last breath
he’d gotten it right! He’d asked Jesus into his heart and to be his Lord and
Savior. Although cancer had spread throughout his body the knowledge of knowing
where he’d spend eternity was more real. That was priceless for his siblings
and his children to know. And yes for the rest of us, too.
I do have regrets of not knowing my cousins
better. I really do. Regret and knowing that I let them down can flood my
heart. I missed out on what could have been. But I can’t change that now. At
least, not with those who’ve passed on. But I can with those who are still
here.
Psalm 90:12> Teach
us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
In awe of Him,
~ Vonda
