Half-hearted. Unfortunately it is a word that I am very familiar with. Webster's New World Dictionary describes half-hearted as with little enthusiasm, determination, interest, etc.
Ouch!! That definition at times, has described me well. I've used it in my personal life. I've used it at my job. I've used it in my marriage. And I've even used it in my spiritual life. "I'll do just enough to make it look like I'm trying! I won't do my very best." I would just about guarantee that I am not the only one who has said that and even done that, as well. Well, I know I'm not. The Bible is full of the same scenarios. And even why they don't work!! However, I've only chosen one of them.
(NIV) Genesis 4:1-5 > Adam made love to his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, "With the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man." Later she gave birth to his brother Abel. Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the Lord. And Abel also brought an offering - fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked with favor on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering He did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.
Poor Cain. He made it seem like he was being picked on by God. It least that was my first impression. With a little digging, I found out the real story. It all starts with the word brought.
Abel brought to God his best. He "brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock". Cain "brought some of the fruits of the soil". Do you see the difference? Abel brought some of the firstborn, whereas Cain brought some of the fruits. Abel had a lot of thought and heart in his offering. He was giving God his very best. Cain had a lot of thought in his offering, as well. His thought process was half-hearted. Just enough to possibly call it an attempt; yet not enough to call it an offering. Oh yes indeed, I've been there. We all have.
Out of all the half-hearted attempts that I have done, the one that I'm leaning toward is in my spiritual walk. God knew that my attempts were half-hearted. He knew I wasn't fooling Him. Deep down I knew it, too, but everyone else didn't. So I kept bringing some. As long as it appeared to others that I was real then I was covered. Right? Not by a long shot. God knew my heart. He saw the corruptness in it. He saw the Pharisee that I thought was covered up.
My heart started changing. (I wonder Who was responsible for that?) The more that I got up early in the mornings for my quiet time with God; the more He started changing me. It was becoming obvious on the outside what was happening on the inside. God's Word started to truly breathe. I could feel it. I knew I was no longer alone in my quiet time. The more I prayed, "Lord, open my eyes, my ears and my heart, so that I might not ever be the same", He was hearing me. He heard me every time, but this time He was waiting for it to be real. And this time what I was bringing to Him was "some of the firstborn". I was no longer bringing to Him "some of the fruits". It mattered; it really mattered. I had approached my alone time with God on a schedule. He was only allowed to "move" if I had time. (I could really say a lot about His moving, however, I'll save that for another blog.)
Some of my favorite, and my not so favorite (can I really say that?) people were being blessed and used by God all around me. I felt stagnant. I talked a good talk but that's all it was--talk. I knew something was missing in me. It was what I was bringing to God. The spirit of half-heartedness had become acceptable, comfortable and safe. Satan loves half-hearted attitudes and actions. That's the beginning of a playground for him!! The things he can build with that is immeasurable! Some playgrounds are not meant to exist. That's one of them. The best tool to use in destroying that particular playground is repentance. That's exactly what I knew I had to do.
You know, Cain's half-hearted attempt and what He brought to God didn't work out very well for him. Sure, he got his feelings hurt and he was downcast and all. But, God gave him a chance to get it right; to check his heart and repent. Genesis 4:6-7 > Then the Lord said to Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it." God has given each of us an opportunity to do the right thing. When we attempt to do things our way, it's always going to be half-hearted. But when we are spirit led, that's whole-hearted, we will do things His way. Satan wants us, make no mistake of that! Being led by the spirit of whole-heartedness we will rule over it. Being led by the spirit of half-heartedness, well, we won't stand a chance!
What did Cain do after God talked to him? He continued his walk in half-heartedness and killed his brother. All because he didn't bring to God his very best and then got mad because it was not accepted.........
Heavenly Father, how I praise You for being fair and just. Thank you Lord for loving me enough to not accept my half-hearted attempts. Thank You Lord for wanting, desiring, my very best. When the spirit of half-heartedness creeps in, Lord, I ask that You convict my heart and allow me to repent. It is in the precious Name of Jesus, that I pray.........Amen
