It has definitely been a while since I have sat in front of my computer to blog. Writing is one of my favorite things to do. When my heart is heavy and my mind is full all I can think of is to write.
One of the social medias that first grabbed my attention was facebook. It was there that I had planned to share Christ. All I wanted to do was to use it as a witnessing tool. At first, it was great. I felt so free to lay it all out there!! "Jesus loves you" was all I could think to share.
Before I knew it, the wonderful intention ended. It became filled with such sadness for me on a personal level. I found myself looking at happy photos and reading funny comments. The one's that called themselves "church family" seemed to only interact with certain individuals. I was not among the certain individuals. "Why? What is so wrong with me?"
Man's affirmation has always seemed to be an issue for me. One that I have longed to break free from. As a child, I was not who I wanted to be. Being among the most popular I thought would give me some kind of status at school. It would mean I was "chosen" to be good enough to be seen with. It would mean that I really was important! Before I could even recognize what was happening, I began to search for the same thing in church.
Let's face it, there are "clicks" in church. I don't think people set out to have them there, they just seem to show up. I found myself sitting in my same spot watching people. It's not that I necessarily meant to just watch them, it's just that I was alone. I was surrounded by "church family" and yet was alone. "Why? What is so wrong with me?" I had longed to be a vital part of this particular group. I had longed to be "chosen" by them to even be worthy enough to be engaged in conversation before church started. And yet, there I sat...alone. I had wanted to be...important. On the inside I was in torment. I felt so abandoned. "How did this happen? Isn't this suppose to be God's house? Isn't church suppose to be "All About Jesus"? What went wrong?
I never thought I would be stuck in those horrible high school days of wanting to fit in again. Not in my adult life!! Yet, that is exactly where I found myself. And in church, of all places. I would reach out in desperation just to be recognized. "Hey, she might have something to say!" Oh how I wanted someone, anyone, to say that of me. Why did it have to matter so much to me? Why was it so important to feel accepted by a particular body of people?
The more I have allowed it to creep back up in my life, the more power I have given Satan. The more I entertain the hurt of not being accepted among certain one's, the more freedom I have given Satan. I cannot do that! I cannot fall captive to his lies of just what my value is.
Galatians 1:10 in the NIV says. "Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Those proved to be very strong words for me. Who am I trying to please? Who am I trying to be accepted by? Who is it that I am wanting to choose me? People? Really!!??
Hundreds of years ago, an incredible Man walked on this earth. It had been said of Him, "the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie." Sandals, something that is covered in dirt. Dirt!! And yet no one was worthy enough to even untie the straps. There had not been, nor would there ever be, anyone like Him. He was the Son of Man. And yet He was more importantly the Son Of God. You really can't get more important than being the Son of God. Before the foundations of the earth were ever laid, He knew me. He wasn't flashy, He wasn't popular, He wasn't in a click and yet He was, and is, the most important Person that ever walked on the face of the earth. This is where I get all choked up....He chose me. I didn't choose Him; He chose me. When it seemed like no one else would choose me, He did.
Thank You, Lord Jesus, for choosing me. Thank You for seeing me in a crowd of people who seemed to have so much more to offer You than I ever could. Lord, help me to always remember that it was not me who chose You; but it was You who chose me. I have nothing of value or importance to offer You, Lord Jesus, only myself freely. Thank You Lord for considering me valuable to You. ~Amen
Monday, December 15, 2014
Saturday, November 8, 2014
The Storm
The disciples were experiencing a storm. Earlier in Matthew 8, they had already been in one. Jesus was with them that time. They were still afraid, but Jesus took control of the situation and quieted everything down. This time, however, Jesus was not with them. He was on a mountainside praying. (Doesn't that speak volumes!!) The storm was raging! The disciples were busy trying to stay alive. Some probably held on to the edge of the boat; some may have even held on to each other! Some may have even "battened down the hatches", so-to-speak. Whatever it was that they were doing, one thing is for sure, they were afraid!!
Webster's Dictionary defines the word buffet as - "to strike repeatedly; batter; to make one's way especially under difficult conditions." I get that. I understand that. I can visualize how the disciples must have felt. I can visualize how big the storm was. I can visualize the wind tossing them around while the waves beat against the boat. Could the disciples stand on their feet during that? Or did they keep falling down with each strike? It was dark. The time was somewhere between three a.m. and six a.m. Daylight had not broke yet. Everything seems worse in the dark. You can't see. The disciples couldn't see. It's very possible that with each strike from the waves, the disciples didn't see them coming until it was on them. I get that, too.
Life can be full of storms, raging storms. I have felt so tossed around and beaten by the waves. There have been times that I didn't even see them coming! Did I, or even could I, stand up? NO!! It was too difficult. My feet couldn't brace themselves for the next strike. My legs would simply buckle. I lay crumbled on the bottom of the "boat". I tend to cover my head with my arms and curl up into a ball with my eyes closed when the storm gets rough.
And then verse 25 happens!! "Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake." Thank you Jesus!! Thank you Jesus!! Jesus saw the storm the disciples were in! He saw the waves bigger than the boat!! His answer was to go to them! He didn't wait on a boat! He didn't even wait on the storm to subside! His only thought was to go to His disciples, His children!! Without panic, of course, He went right on out into the storm and just walked on it! Did you get it?? HE went to them!! HE walked on the water that was raging!! This is where you can raise your hands to the heavens and shout 'Hallelujah'!!
Boy, I needed that! Storms are hard. They take every ounce of energy you think you even have. But Jesus sees us. He sees our storms. He sees us crumbled on the floor. He sees the fear we have. His answer? He comes to us right in the middle of it!!
Dear Heavenly Father, You are good. You are holy and You are just. Thank you Lord that no matter the cause of our storm, You still come. You still see us and do not wait for our storm to subside. I am so unworthy of such love but I thank You Father for loving me anyway. In Your precious name ~ Amen
In awe of Him,
Vonda
Monday, October 13, 2014
The Defeat
ROMANS 4:25 > "Who was delivered for our offences, and was raised again for our justification." [KJV]
offence-a breach of the law justification-being regarded and treated
as if innocent
Not alot is going on at 4:00 a.m.. You're still trying to wake up, get that first cup of coffee in you and get your eyes focused! It's still a little fuzzy at that time of morning. Except this morning!!! Did you know that God is already up at that time of morning?? That He hasn't even been to sleep? That's real hard for me to fathom when my eyes are still kind of crossed and I'm fighting to NOT go back to bed! It is so hard to imagine that God doesn't require any kind of sleep at all. Not even a five minute nap!
Anyhow, God was sure enough waiting on me this morning! My Bible study has taken me back to Romans, Chapter Four. I had no idea that the chapter was completely loaded! I've read it time-and-time again, but still didn't hear what God had to say. It was in Romans 4:25 from the NIV that really caught my eye. It reads, "He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification." I know what that verse says, but this morning I learned exactly what it means!! (This is where my very soul is shouting 'Hallelujah'!!)
God delivered over to 'death' His very own Son. He allowed 'death' to wrap itself around His Son. He allowed 'death' to take the very breath from His Son's lungs and the beat from His heart. All of hope was gone. (Or itleast, it appeared to be!) God knew that the price was too high for us to pay. It would require His Son who knew no sin to pay such a debt. Inside the dark, sealed tomb 'death' snickered counting itself victorious. Hell celebrated at the idea of man's sin never being atoned for. Man would forever be held in the grips of guilt knowing that the price could never be paid for our atonement. Death seemed to have won; man would forever be defeated. However, the "third" day came!! Death had heard Jesus speak of the "third" day and yet didn't believe it would actually come! After all, Jesus' body was still in the tomb. There had been no movement for 'death' to think otherwise. And then it happened.... Oh wow!! Can you just imagine the look on 'death's' face when it could no longer hold Him?? It couldn't even get a good grip on our Savior!! Hallelujah!!! Jesus walked out of the grave just like He said He would!! When He came out of the grave, our justification was complete. God was satisfied. The price had been paid. He made a way for us to be able to live in His grace, to feel complete freedom and to know forgiveness.
Romans 4:25 > "Who was delivered for our offences, and was raised again for our justification." King James Version
No more chains...hope has begun anew!!!
In awe of Him,
Vonda
offence-a breach of the law justification-being regarded and treated
as if innocent
Not alot is going on at 4:00 a.m.. You're still trying to wake up, get that first cup of coffee in you and get your eyes focused! It's still a little fuzzy at that time of morning. Except this morning!!! Did you know that God is already up at that time of morning?? That He hasn't even been to sleep? That's real hard for me to fathom when my eyes are still kind of crossed and I'm fighting to NOT go back to bed! It is so hard to imagine that God doesn't require any kind of sleep at all. Not even a five minute nap!
Anyhow, God was sure enough waiting on me this morning! My Bible study has taken me back to Romans, Chapter Four. I had no idea that the chapter was completely loaded! I've read it time-and-time again, but still didn't hear what God had to say. It was in Romans 4:25 from the NIV that really caught my eye. It reads, "He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification." I know what that verse says, but this morning I learned exactly what it means!! (This is where my very soul is shouting 'Hallelujah'!!)
God delivered over to 'death' His very own Son. He allowed 'death' to wrap itself around His Son. He allowed 'death' to take the very breath from His Son's lungs and the beat from His heart. All of hope was gone. (Or itleast, it appeared to be!) God knew that the price was too high for us to pay. It would require His Son who knew no sin to pay such a debt. Inside the dark, sealed tomb 'death' snickered counting itself victorious. Hell celebrated at the idea of man's sin never being atoned for. Man would forever be held in the grips of guilt knowing that the price could never be paid for our atonement. Death seemed to have won; man would forever be defeated. However, the "third" day came!! Death had heard Jesus speak of the "third" day and yet didn't believe it would actually come! After all, Jesus' body was still in the tomb. There had been no movement for 'death' to think otherwise. And then it happened.... Oh wow!! Can you just imagine the look on 'death's' face when it could no longer hold Him?? It couldn't even get a good grip on our Savior!! Hallelujah!!! Jesus walked out of the grave just like He said He would!! When He came out of the grave, our justification was complete. God was satisfied. The price had been paid. He made a way for us to be able to live in His grace, to feel complete freedom and to know forgiveness.
Romans 4:25 > "Who was delivered for our offences, and was raised again for our justification." King James Version
No more chains...hope has begun anew!!!
In awe of Him,
Vonda
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Jesus - My Knight In Shining Armor
Luke 11:21-22 > "When a strong man, fully armed, guards his own house, his possessions are safe. BUT WHEN SOMEONE STRONGER attacks and overpowers him, he takes away the armor in which the man trusted and divides up his plunder."
In between my study of Believing God by Beth Moore, I am also doing JESUS The One and Only by Beth Moore. This morning I was awaken mighty early! I mean like 3:00 a.m.!! Snoring was involved with my waking up! Not my snoring either, mind you. Anyhow, yesterday mornings study was a heart gripper. Beth pointed out verses 21 and 22 of Luke 11. I am so sad to say that I have read those verses before and never felt the urge to shout "Hallelujah!" like I did yesterday!!!
Yes indeed, Satan is strong. I am absolutely no match for him on my own. He has just about defeated me and has left me bruised and beaten to a bloody pulp. Laying there, in such grief, I have felt like all hope was gone. I lived in a stronghold, held captive and was a slave to thoughts that I could not overcome. Thoughts of who Satan said that I was. Things had been stolen from me that I thought I would never get back. Satan was fully armed, guarding what was his. (Or better yet, what he thought was his!) Just like the children of Israel when they cried out to God, I cried out, too. I did not want to live in a place where my joy had been stolen. My ambition, compassion, joy, etc.. had been replaced. I certainly couldn't let anyone know that, so I lived behind walls of secrecy. I was ashamed to live there, but on my own I could not do anything about it. I guess I had surrendered. When you get tired of staying in captivity you cry out to God. And as I did, the most amazing thing happened......He heard me!! Just like that knight in shining armor that little girls dream of, Jesus was my knight in shining armor! To my rescue He came!! With sword in hand, He overpowered Satan! He attacked him, took away the armor that he had and trusted in!! All the weapons Satan had used (shame, secrecy, deception, etc.) were no longer strong. Satan's arsenal had become weakened. And oh the plunder that God divided!! I received back my joy, but so much more than I had had before!! What Satan meant for evil, God meant for good! And He gives back so much more than we could, or even can, imagine!
The things that Satan steals from us can even be the way we view ourselves. The way we look in a bathing suit, the extra "rolls" we see even through our clothes. Our appearance can be the biggest stronghold Satan can have over us. Especially for women. Living in that kind of bondage is so hard to get out of. And on our own, we cannot. That's the key..... on our own we cannot! I get so tickled at some of the conversations Michelle and I have at work. One of my favorites is her saying, " I need 3 bra's. One for my boobs, one for my belly, and one for my butt!" It is so funny because I feel the same way!! I refuse to live in that mindset, though. I think it's funny, I certainly laugh but I won't "live" there!! Satan enjoys attacking the mind. I have to pray every day for God to continue giving me a renewed mind. Not to fall into his little deceptions that can overpower me.
When we cry out to God, our Knight in shining armor comes to rescue us!! Why? Because He hears us.......
In awe of Him,
~Vonda
Monday, September 15, 2014
God Chose Me
Recently, I've been asked the question, "What made you decide to choose this walk in life?" The question was not meant to ask why I chose to accept Christ or to why I chose to live a Christian life. It was asked because of how I chose to live my Christian life. It really got me to thinking.
Ephesians 1:4-5 says, "Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do and it gave Him great pleasure."
For years I thought that I had been the one to do the choosing. But I wasn't. I thought I had been the one to make the decision, but it wasn't me. I can never take the credit. Now that I understand that truth, I am truly humbled. God chose me!! Why in the world He did that, I will never know!!
According to Bethel Baptist Church in November 2010, Charles Spurgeon was said to have commented once, "God must have certainly chosen me before I came into this world because He never would have chosen me afterward." A lot of us can relate to that feeling. I know I certainly can. God saw something in me, well He knew something about me, that He wanted to use. He saw it long before the foundation of the earth was laid. That is pretty mind-boggling!
I was pretty comfortable living my "safe" Christian life. I knew God was real. He'd revealed it to me many times. I knew He could do anything He wanted to do. But my mentality of Him was in a box. I didn't really know that God did NOT live in a box that I had mentally put Him in. My belief in Him was safe. I suppose that I limited Him to what I wanted Him to do. I loved the stories in the Bible of what He could do. The impossible stuff that we could not explain if we tried! However, that's where He stayed...in the Bible. In a way, the Bible was like a box. They weren't just stories. They were real situations with real people. I knew that, or so I thought.
I do not remember the date. Not even the time of year. I just remember the encounter. I had been reading about people finding that very special place of prayer. For some, it was a closet. For others it had been a particular chair. There were all kinds of places and things that had been mentioned. Well, I wanted a place that would be special. The master bathroom in our home is spacious. So I had this brilliant idea of going into the master bathroom and finding a special "spot". I found the spot where I felt pretty comfortable and so I knelt. With my hands lifted up I began to pray. What happened next I had never expected. God was there! He was in the room with me. The Holy Spirit was hovering all around me. It felt just like the pictures you might see of a mist of a ghost flying around! I couldn't breathe. I held my breath and was so afraid to open my eyes. What would I see? I had entered into prayer, but my heart was certainly not seeking God, nor the Holy Spirit, not like that! I was about to experience something very real. Something far beyond an explanation. Because of fear, I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to experience God like that. I wasn't ready to take Him out of my mental box! Everything was safe as long as I was in control. As long as I was the one who let Him out. I continued to hold my breath until the feeling went away. Until God went away. For a very long time I thought I had quenched the Spirit. Here it is four years later and I now understand that particular night. God already knew how I would react. It was no surprise to Him. He knew that one day I would long for that encounter once again. I cannot go back to that particular night. However, I can go forward with pure hunger and desire for Him!! That night, God revealed to me just how real He really was. How real He really IS!! For me, to believe that that encounter was God means I have to believe in the impossible, the unexplainable. I have to walk a walk that He wants me to walk!! I have to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7). God chose me to walk this path in my life. He chose me specifically, long before the foundation of the world. This is definitely a walk I am not use to. I will really have to believe Him. Not just in Him, but Him!! When He tells me I can move a mountain, I have to believe Him. When He tells me that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, then I have to believe Him!! To live that kind of life, I can no longer place Him in a box. He has to be free!! Free to show me exactly why He chose me.....
Ephesians 1:4-5 says, "Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do and it gave Him great pleasure."
For years I thought that I had been the one to do the choosing. But I wasn't. I thought I had been the one to make the decision, but it wasn't me. I can never take the credit. Now that I understand that truth, I am truly humbled. God chose me!! Why in the world He did that, I will never know!!
According to Bethel Baptist Church in November 2010, Charles Spurgeon was said to have commented once, "God must have certainly chosen me before I came into this world because He never would have chosen me afterward." A lot of us can relate to that feeling. I know I certainly can. God saw something in me, well He knew something about me, that He wanted to use. He saw it long before the foundation of the earth was laid. That is pretty mind-boggling!
I was pretty comfortable living my "safe" Christian life. I knew God was real. He'd revealed it to me many times. I knew He could do anything He wanted to do. But my mentality of Him was in a box. I didn't really know that God did NOT live in a box that I had mentally put Him in. My belief in Him was safe. I suppose that I limited Him to what I wanted Him to do. I loved the stories in the Bible of what He could do. The impossible stuff that we could not explain if we tried! However, that's where He stayed...in the Bible. In a way, the Bible was like a box. They weren't just stories. They were real situations with real people. I knew that, or so I thought.
I do not remember the date. Not even the time of year. I just remember the encounter. I had been reading about people finding that very special place of prayer. For some, it was a closet. For others it had been a particular chair. There were all kinds of places and things that had been mentioned. Well, I wanted a place that would be special. The master bathroom in our home is spacious. So I had this brilliant idea of going into the master bathroom and finding a special "spot". I found the spot where I felt pretty comfortable and so I knelt. With my hands lifted up I began to pray. What happened next I had never expected. God was there! He was in the room with me. The Holy Spirit was hovering all around me. It felt just like the pictures you might see of a mist of a ghost flying around! I couldn't breathe. I held my breath and was so afraid to open my eyes. What would I see? I had entered into prayer, but my heart was certainly not seeking God, nor the Holy Spirit, not like that! I was about to experience something very real. Something far beyond an explanation. Because of fear, I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to experience God like that. I wasn't ready to take Him out of my mental box! Everything was safe as long as I was in control. As long as I was the one who let Him out. I continued to hold my breath until the feeling went away. Until God went away. For a very long time I thought I had quenched the Spirit. Here it is four years later and I now understand that particular night. God already knew how I would react. It was no surprise to Him. He knew that one day I would long for that encounter once again. I cannot go back to that particular night. However, I can go forward with pure hunger and desire for Him!! That night, God revealed to me just how real He really was. How real He really IS!! For me, to believe that that encounter was God means I have to believe in the impossible, the unexplainable. I have to walk a walk that He wants me to walk!! I have to walk by faith and not by sight (2 Cor. 5:7). God chose me to walk this path in my life. He chose me specifically, long before the foundation of the world. This is definitely a walk I am not use to. I will really have to believe Him. Not just in Him, but Him!! When He tells me I can move a mountain, I have to believe Him. When He tells me that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, then I have to believe Him!! To live that kind of life, I can no longer place Him in a box. He has to be free!! Free to show me exactly why He chose me.....
In awe of Him,
Vonda
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Joyful Journey / Tattered Faith
joyful- feeling, or causing great happiness tattered- a part torn and left hanging
journey- act of traveling from one place faith- complete trust; without question
to another
"Showing or feeling great happiness while traveling from one place to another. A torn part that is left hanging that was once a complete trust without question."
'How did those two ever become acquainted?? How did they end up running in the same circle?? Who introduced them??' I think those are some pretty good questions. A joyful journey is what we all long for and desire in this walk of life. We don't want what used to be a complete trust without question, left torn and hanging.
We each have a journey that has been designed for just us. Some have a journey that involves an addiction of a family member. Some have a journey of wanting a family member to be beside them in church worshiping the Lord together. Some may want so desperately to be a parent and for whatever reason, unable to be. Some may crave "man's affirmation" for acceptance. Some may have trouble sitting in quietness for fear of losing their mind. Some may have a loved one who suffers with physical pain; healing doesn't seem to be coming. And yet some may have experienced the unexplained death of a loved one and just want to know "why?".
Some of our journeys may sound the same and yet each path is different. We may not understand a particular journey that another person is going through, but we can certainly learn something from each other. Sometimes each of our journeys can be pretty joyful! And then there are times that it just won't be. There are times that our faith can seem to be the strongest; and then there are times that it seems to be left torn and hanging. What used to be a complete trust without question, has become questioned. No, a joyful journey and tattered faith just do not seem to go together. But, unfortunately, they can run in the same circle.
In John 16:33, Jesus tells us that in this world we will have trouble. He didn't say we might; He said we would. We need to expect it and not be surprised by it. I don't mean we are to become a pessimist and look for the bad in everything. That's not being Christ-like. But we are, as Christians, to expect Satan to attack us. There is a difference in knowing that Satan is angry and wants our souls, and looking for evil in everything that happens. As long as we live on this earth we will be under the attack of Satan. Our faith will seem to be so tattered. There will be times that we feel so beaten up. Our journey will seem to be too difficult to continue. To give up in surrender seems to be what's left for us. Oh, but take heart! Jesus has overcome the world!! The very One who was beaten, spat upon, crucified and buried has overcome the world! Not even a grave could keep our Lord and Savior from us! Living in that very knowledge can and will make our journey in this life more joyful!
When our joyful journey collides with tattered faith the answer is to keep our eyes forward on Jesus. He has overcome the world. He has a plan for us. He knows what it is going to take to make us more Christ-like. We can certainly take comfort in Jeremiah 29:11 > "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." We need to take comfort in that. He has a plan for us. Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." When things feel unbearable and we just can't seem to keep on going, we need to rest in the knowledge of knowing that He has a plan for us. A really great plan, too! He wants to give us hope and a future. Even in the bad stuff, the really hard stuff, He is working something good in it for those who love Him. The end result will be heavenly!!
What are we to do when our joyful journey collides with our faith becoming tattered?? We are to remember John 16:33 > "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."(NIV) - - - - "These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."(KJV) - - - - "I have told you all this so that you may have peace in Me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world."(NLT) - - - - "These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."(NASB)
We are to take heart, be of good cheer and take courage! He has overcome anything and absolutely everything this world throws at us!
When our faith becomes tattered may we rest in knowing that our journey can still be joyful!
In awe of Him,
~Vonda
Sunday, August 3, 2014
"A new creature..."
II Corinthians 5:17 > Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
I understood that verse when it came to being delivered from the old man, the one before Christ entered his life. I thought of obvious changes that others could see; not necessarily the gradual changes taking place in the heart. Today, I had the opportunity to see it in my own life.
A few years ago, I had the pleasure of being involved in a Bible Study class at church. The study was one that Priscilla Shirer had written called "One in a Million". My life has never been the same since. It's been a slow process. (Evidently I am just an extra-hard-headed individual!) Anyhow, my thought processes had to change. I spent too many hours looking back to Egypt and the way things use to be, that I couldn't see today, the moment. I definitely had spent too long in the desert wandering around just like the children of Israel had done. I missed what "use-to-be", I lived in its shadows.
I have done so many studies since then that have all been very beneficial to who I am in Christ today. I am a new creature, parts of the old me are being cleaned out every day! How do I know?? Today I had the opportunity to either show compassion or to show my fangs!!! Well, without much thought.....I showed compassion. I don't say this boastfully, I say this very humbly. I'm still rather shocked!
Church this morning was a blessing. The Holy Spirit was there, my oldest daughter, Bonnie, and her family (Frederic and daughters Jaelyn and Leila) were there, my sister, Michelle, and niece, Amanda, were also there. I felt pretty blessed! I had so wished that my youngest daughter, Alesha, and her husband, Thomas, could've been there, along with my husband, Raymond, as well. But God had already ordained the day to be just as it was. Anyhow, Raymond had decided to go back to church with me tonight!!! Woop, woop!!! I was so excited! We had our comfy clothes on, headed out the door and were on our way to church! Any wife's dream! And then it all changed. Raymond had started getting physically sick; headache, nausea, very light-headed, and felt real "empty" inside. I could tell it was real. I wanted to lash out at Satan and just give him a what-for! The way I would have done just that in the past would be by lashing out at Raymond. Ashamedly, I would've used every excuse in the book to blame him for messing up "my" night! No, I am not proud. It's just the truth. That is the quickest way for a wife to knock a husband down and make him feel worthless. That is a sin!!!! Wives are NOT to do that to their husbands. We are to lift them up, encourage them and love them. When I would get so angry at how Raymond and I couldn't live like we use to and be like we used to be, I would direct my anger toward him. Yep, I was worse than worm guts in the dirt!
But today, well it was different. I didn't lash out nor did I harbor ill feelings. Oh, I could have!!!! Well, not really. I'm not the same person that I used to be. I AM in Christ, I AM a new creature: old attitudes toward Raymond's illness ARE passing away, ALL things are becoming new. Did I ever see our situation in 2 Corinthians 5:17?? Nope!!! But it's there!
Every day I get to see glimpses of a new creation in my own life. The old Vonda is slipping away and a new one is being born. Oh how Jesus shows His love by showing glimpses of a new creation! It's certainly not fun to see the ugly in ourselves. But when we can see the changes, as slow as they may be, it is just very humbling.
Thank you Lord for Your immeasurable love. Thank You Lord for showing me the old me so that room for the new me can be made.
In awe of Him,
~Vonda
I understood that verse when it came to being delivered from the old man, the one before Christ entered his life. I thought of obvious changes that others could see; not necessarily the gradual changes taking place in the heart. Today, I had the opportunity to see it in my own life.
A few years ago, I had the pleasure of being involved in a Bible Study class at church. The study was one that Priscilla Shirer had written called "One in a Million". My life has never been the same since. It's been a slow process. (Evidently I am just an extra-hard-headed individual!) Anyhow, my thought processes had to change. I spent too many hours looking back to Egypt and the way things use to be, that I couldn't see today, the moment. I definitely had spent too long in the desert wandering around just like the children of Israel had done. I missed what "use-to-be", I lived in its shadows.
I have done so many studies since then that have all been very beneficial to who I am in Christ today. I am a new creature, parts of the old me are being cleaned out every day! How do I know?? Today I had the opportunity to either show compassion or to show my fangs!!! Well, without much thought.....I showed compassion. I don't say this boastfully, I say this very humbly. I'm still rather shocked!
Church this morning was a blessing. The Holy Spirit was there, my oldest daughter, Bonnie, and her family (Frederic and daughters Jaelyn and Leila) were there, my sister, Michelle, and niece, Amanda, were also there. I felt pretty blessed! I had so wished that my youngest daughter, Alesha, and her husband, Thomas, could've been there, along with my husband, Raymond, as well. But God had already ordained the day to be just as it was. Anyhow, Raymond had decided to go back to church with me tonight!!! Woop, woop!!! I was so excited! We had our comfy clothes on, headed out the door and were on our way to church! Any wife's dream! And then it all changed. Raymond had started getting physically sick; headache, nausea, very light-headed, and felt real "empty" inside. I could tell it was real. I wanted to lash out at Satan and just give him a what-for! The way I would have done just that in the past would be by lashing out at Raymond. Ashamedly, I would've used every excuse in the book to blame him for messing up "my" night! No, I am not proud. It's just the truth. That is the quickest way for a wife to knock a husband down and make him feel worthless. That is a sin!!!! Wives are NOT to do that to their husbands. We are to lift them up, encourage them and love them. When I would get so angry at how Raymond and I couldn't live like we use to and be like we used to be, I would direct my anger toward him. Yep, I was worse than worm guts in the dirt!
But today, well it was different. I didn't lash out nor did I harbor ill feelings. Oh, I could have!!!! Well, not really. I'm not the same person that I used to be. I AM in Christ, I AM a new creature: old attitudes toward Raymond's illness ARE passing away, ALL things are becoming new. Did I ever see our situation in 2 Corinthians 5:17?? Nope!!! But it's there!
Every day I get to see glimpses of a new creation in my own life. The old Vonda is slipping away and a new one is being born. Oh how Jesus shows His love by showing glimpses of a new creation! It's certainly not fun to see the ugly in ourselves. But when we can see the changes, as slow as they may be, it is just very humbling.
Thank you Lord for Your immeasurable love. Thank You Lord for showing me the old me so that room for the new me can be made.
In awe of Him,
~Vonda
Saturday, July 26, 2014
"But this happened....."
2 Corinthians 1:8-9 > We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. BUT THIS HAPPENED that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.
Boy did we think that we had it all together! Life seemed good, no struggling whatsoever. I was blessed to be a stay-at-home mom. I took that responsibility very seriously. Raymond was doing very well at work. The bills were being paid; little weekend trips were being taken. Life just seemed to be going our way! And then...it all changed.
It started as a normal day at work for Raymond in July of 1997. It least until it was time to load several heavy truck tires. One wrong step or movement can change a person's course of life. That's exactly what happened. The toes on his right foot were crushed when heavy truck tires had fallen on them pinning his foot underneath the tires. For us, especially Raymond, life was going to be forever different. Of course we had no idea that it would all work out for the glory of God! We had no idea that God knew it was going to happen. HE was in control.
The struggles wouldn't really start until about two years later. Several surgeries would take place. A month long enrollment at a pain clinic would be involved. Being told he had cancer would become an issue (turned out negative!). It was so hard watching Raymond endure chronic pain. He eventually had to quit working all together. The different kinds of medications he was on were playing a toll on him mentally. Thoughts that were not normal, had somehow become normal. He'd always enjoyed people. He loved working. There were times he would work a full-time job, have a second one at night and then cut grass on weekends. He no longer wanted to be around people. His medications had kept him from just about being able to function. Those changes alone were getting the best of him. Satan was having so much fun trying to destroy him, us and our family. The girls and I were helpless. We didn't know what to do. Raymond didn't know what to do. Our close friends and family could only watch as things grew worse. Our lives had changed so drastically in just two years. "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure." And Raymond "despaired even of life."
Today, we understand why it all happened. "But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." My soul is shouting "Praise God!!!!" while a big lump is in my throat!! There are tears that are just waiting to stream down my face unashamedly!! Oh how HE loves us! Oh how He wanted us to bring our struggles to Him! We didn't. We said we were Christians, yet we didn't turn to God wholeheartedly. Why? For me, I think I felt abandoned by God. Like there was absolutely no hope. I couldn't really ask Him 'why' because you just didn't do that! God wanted each of us to get to know Him personally. Not just His name, but Him. That did involve asking 'why'. It was the only way my heart could be totally healed. It had to be broken first.
Raymond lives with Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome and/or Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome. In regular terms that means that their is a short-circuit to his brain that will not shut off pain. It is a constant burning that will not stop. Several surgeries have been done leaving no relief. In some instances it has been worse. But the determined (and hard-headed!) man that he is, giving in is not an option. Unless you really know Raymond, you will never know what he endures. But God does!!!!
Even though the struggles have been so hard, God has still been good. Through all of this Raymond has grown in the Lord. A day does not go by that he does not rely on the Lord for His strength. He knows that he cannot endure a single moment without Him. The changes I have seen that have taken place in Raymond's spiritual life are to me a miracle. Had all of this not happened, I don't know where he would be with God. But because of this, I know where his soul rests. As for me, it has certainly caused me to question my own faith (not salvation, but faith). Do I believe God is still good no matter what?? Do I believe God has our best interest at heart?? You bet I do!!!!!
"BUT THIS HAPPENED THAT WE MIGHT NOT RELY ON OURSELVES BUT ON GOD, WHO RAISES THE DEAD."
** If God can raise His Son from the dead (no heartbeat, no blood flow, no brain function!!) then I do believe He can take care of our GREAT pressures!!
In awe of Him,
~Vonda
Boy did we think that we had it all together! Life seemed good, no struggling whatsoever. I was blessed to be a stay-at-home mom. I took that responsibility very seriously. Raymond was doing very well at work. The bills were being paid; little weekend trips were being taken. Life just seemed to be going our way! And then...it all changed.
It started as a normal day at work for Raymond in July of 1997. It least until it was time to load several heavy truck tires. One wrong step or movement can change a person's course of life. That's exactly what happened. The toes on his right foot were crushed when heavy truck tires had fallen on them pinning his foot underneath the tires. For us, especially Raymond, life was going to be forever different. Of course we had no idea that it would all work out for the glory of God! We had no idea that God knew it was going to happen. HE was in control.
The struggles wouldn't really start until about two years later. Several surgeries would take place. A month long enrollment at a pain clinic would be involved. Being told he had cancer would become an issue (turned out negative!). It was so hard watching Raymond endure chronic pain. He eventually had to quit working all together. The different kinds of medications he was on were playing a toll on him mentally. Thoughts that were not normal, had somehow become normal. He'd always enjoyed people. He loved working. There were times he would work a full-time job, have a second one at night and then cut grass on weekends. He no longer wanted to be around people. His medications had kept him from just about being able to function. Those changes alone were getting the best of him. Satan was having so much fun trying to destroy him, us and our family. The girls and I were helpless. We didn't know what to do. Raymond didn't know what to do. Our close friends and family could only watch as things grew worse. Our lives had changed so drastically in just two years. "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure." And Raymond "despaired even of life."
Today, we understand why it all happened. "But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." My soul is shouting "Praise God!!!!" while a big lump is in my throat!! There are tears that are just waiting to stream down my face unashamedly!! Oh how HE loves us! Oh how He wanted us to bring our struggles to Him! We didn't. We said we were Christians, yet we didn't turn to God wholeheartedly. Why? For me, I think I felt abandoned by God. Like there was absolutely no hope. I couldn't really ask Him 'why' because you just didn't do that! God wanted each of us to get to know Him personally. Not just His name, but Him. That did involve asking 'why'. It was the only way my heart could be totally healed. It had to be broken first.
Raymond lives with Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome and/or Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome. In regular terms that means that their is a short-circuit to his brain that will not shut off pain. It is a constant burning that will not stop. Several surgeries have been done leaving no relief. In some instances it has been worse. But the determined (and hard-headed!) man that he is, giving in is not an option. Unless you really know Raymond, you will never know what he endures. But God does!!!!
Even though the struggles have been so hard, God has still been good. Through all of this Raymond has grown in the Lord. A day does not go by that he does not rely on the Lord for His strength. He knows that he cannot endure a single moment without Him. The changes I have seen that have taken place in Raymond's spiritual life are to me a miracle. Had all of this not happened, I don't know where he would be with God. But because of this, I know where his soul rests. As for me, it has certainly caused me to question my own faith (not salvation, but faith). Do I believe God is still good no matter what?? Do I believe God has our best interest at heart?? You bet I do!!!!!
"BUT THIS HAPPENED THAT WE MIGHT NOT RELY ON OURSELVES BUT ON GOD, WHO RAISES THE DEAD."
** If God can raise His Son from the dead (no heartbeat, no blood flow, no brain function!!) then I do believe He can take care of our GREAT pressures!!
In awe of Him,
~Vonda
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Treasures in Jars of Clay
2 Corinthians 4:7-9 > But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
What a treasure to have!! Satan does his best to destroy us. God lifts us up with His all-surpassing power. Satan will press us hard on every side. He will do his best to put us in a bad situation that seems impossible to get out of. But God's power keeps him from crushing us, from squeezing us so hard that we are destroyed. Satan will perplex, confuse and even complicate our lives and minds. But God's power keeps us from being in despair, from not having any hope that our situation will and can change. Satan will persecute us. He will torment and torture us. But God's power will never abandon us. He will never leave us. Satan will strike us down, weaken us. But God's power will lift us up so that we are not destroyed!!
What a treasure to have!! Satan does his best to destroy us. God lifts us up with His all-surpassing power. Satan will press us hard on every side. He will do his best to put us in a bad situation that seems impossible to get out of. But God's power keeps him from crushing us, from squeezing us so hard that we are destroyed. Satan will perplex, confuse and even complicate our lives and minds. But God's power keeps us from being in despair, from not having any hope that our situation will and can change. Satan will persecute us. He will torment and torture us. But God's power will never abandon us. He will never leave us. Satan will strike us down, weaken us. But God's power will lift us up so that we are not destroyed!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)