"But this happened....."

         2 Corinthians 1:8-9 > We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. BUT THIS HAPPENED that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.

     Boy did we think that we had it all together! Life seemed good, no struggling whatsoever. I was blessed to be a stay-at-home mom. I took that responsibility very seriously. Raymond was doing very well at work. The bills were being paid; little weekend trips were being taken. Life just seemed to be going our way! And then...it all changed.
     It started as a normal day at work for Raymond in July of 1997. It least until it was time to load several heavy truck tires. One wrong step or movement can change a person's course of life. That's exactly what happened. The toes on his right foot were crushed when heavy truck tires had fallen on them pinning his foot underneath the tires. For us, especially Raymond, life was going to be forever different. Of course we had no idea that it would all work out for the glory of God! We had no idea that God knew it was going to happen. HE was in control.
     The struggles wouldn't really start until about two years later. Several surgeries would take place. A month long enrollment at a pain clinic would be involved. Being told he had cancer would become an issue (turned out negative!). It was so hard watching Raymond endure chronic pain. He eventually had to quit working all together. The different kinds of medications he was on were playing a toll on him mentally. Thoughts that were not normal, had somehow become normal. He'd always enjoyed people. He loved working. There were times he would work a full-time job, have a second one at night and then cut grass on weekends. He no longer wanted to be around people. His medications had kept him from just about being able to function. Those changes alone were getting the best of him. Satan was having so much fun trying to destroy him, us and our family. The girls and I were helpless. We didn't know what to do. Raymond didn't know what to do. Our close friends and family could only watch as things grew worse. Our lives had changed so drastically in just two years. "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure." And Raymond "despaired even of life."
     Today, we understand why it all happened. "But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." My soul is shouting "Praise God!!!!" while a big lump is in my throat!! There are tears that are just waiting to stream down my face unashamedly!! Oh how HE loves us! Oh how He wanted us to bring our struggles to Him! We didn't. We said we were Christians, yet we didn't turn to God wholeheartedly. Why? For me, I think I felt abandoned by God. Like there was absolutely no hope. I couldn't really ask Him 'why' because you just didn't do that! God wanted each of us to get to know Him personally. Not just His name, but Him. That did involve asking 'why'. It was the only way my heart could be totally healed. It had to be broken first.
     Raymond lives with Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome and/or Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome. In regular terms that means that their is a short-circuit to his brain that will not shut off pain. It is a constant burning that will not stop. Several surgeries have been done leaving no relief. In some instances it has been worse. But the determined  (and hard-headed!) man that he is, giving in is not an option. Unless you really know Raymond, you will never know what he endures. But God does!!!!
     Even though the struggles have been so hard, God has still been good. Through all of this Raymond has grown in the Lord. A day does not go by that he does not rely on the Lord for His strength. He knows that he cannot endure a single moment without Him. The changes I have seen that have taken place in Raymond's spiritual life are to me a miracle. Had all of this not happened, I don't know where he would be with God. But because of this, I know where his soul rests. As for me, it has certainly caused me to question my own faith (not salvation, but faith). Do I believe God is still good no matter what?? Do I believe God has our best interest at heart?? You bet I do!!!!!
     "BUT THIS HAPPENED THAT WE MIGHT NOT RELY ON OURSELVES BUT ON GOD, WHO RAISES THE DEAD."

     ** If God can raise His Son from the dead (no heartbeat, no blood flow, no brain function!!) then I do believe He can take care of our GREAT pressures!!
In awe of Him,
~Vonda

Treasures in Jars of Clay

2 Corinthians 4:7-9 > But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

What a treasure to have!! Satan does his best to destroy us. God lifts us up with His all-surpassing power. Satan will press us hard on every side. He will do his best to put us in a bad situation that seems impossible to get out of. But God's power keeps him from crushing us, from squeezing us so hard that we are destroyed. Satan will perplex, confuse and even complicate our lives and minds. But God's power keeps us from being in despair, from not having any hope that our situation will and can change. Satan will persecute us. He will torment and torture us. But God's power will never abandon us. He will never leave us. Satan will strike us down, weaken us. But God's power will lift us up so that we are not destroyed!!