The Wait - From Sorrow to Joy

Luke 23: 48-49 > When all the people who had gathered to witness this sight saw what took place, they beat their breasts and went away. But all those who knew Him, including the women who had followed Him from Galilee, stood at a distance, watching these things. (NIV)

As our family is preparing for a wedding, there’s little else that is occupying our minds; especially, my sister’s and niece. This wedding is different. This wedding shows hope in a way that a few years ago she never thought possible. Quite honestly, none of us did. Not even my niece.

It was a very cold night in February 2014. No one in their right mind should have been outside in the cold and yet, we were. There was nowhere else for us to be. Everything was taking place outside…in the cold.

Michelle and I stood on her back deck observing the scene before us. We were watching what was happening. There were several men in Law Enforcement freezing in her yard. Their reason for being there was simply to do their job; no other reason. We had to do something for them. After all, none of it was their fault.

One of Michelle’s favorite things on a cold day or night is to drink coffee. So, that is what we did. We served hot coffee on a cold night to those in need of something warm. Suddenly, her back deck became a way to go in and out of her home to serve those in need. Even if they were there waiting for her daughter. The decision to serve them came easy even though their reason for being there was extremely difficult.

April made a choice earlier that day that would end up bringing her pain and sorrow. It’s not like she woke up that morning and thought, “I think I will throw my life away today.” No one does that; at least, not intentionally. Pain, mental or physical, can make a person do things that they would normally never do. And she was no exception. On this particular cold night, her only choice (or so she really believed) brought Law Enforcement to her mom’s home. If April went to Michelle’s home on this night, her arrest was inevitable. And quite possibly would happen on her back deck.

Hot coffee was served and they were grateful. Probably a little shocked as well! It was not a joyful night but it wasn’t their fault. The reason for their being there had not once escaped Michelle’s mind. She served coffee with a heavy heart for April. My thoughts were for both of them. “What’s going to happen next?”

Several years prior to this night, this very same deck had been a place of joy and celebration. Laughter and the hope of a happy marriage had filled the air. My youngest daughter married her soul-mate on this deck. But on this night, strained laughter (should we be laughing even if someone said something that was a little funny?) and no hope was in the air and filling this same deck.

Something similar happened the day Jesus was crucified. There were crowds of people there to watch. Some were there because it was simply their job. Some were there to make sure that He would die. And some were there with the hope that He might not. I can imagine that scene now. How some must have stood there in possible shock that this horror was actually taking place. “Where had hope gone? Hadn’t this Jesus of Nazareth said that He had come to save the world? How was He going to do that now?”

That day was supposed to happen. It was the reason He was born. It was the beginning of an end, so to speak. The Roman soldiers thought they had done their job. After all, they placed Jesus on a cross and watched Him die. The one’s that were there in shock that His death had truly taken place had left the scene “beating their breasts”, they were in deep sorrow. Oh, how I truly understand that now.   

Fast forward to December 10, 2016…joy and celebration will once again fill this deck! There will be much laughter as well as the hope of a happy marriage! Just like in February 2014, people will gather once again for April. This time it will be with joy and on purpose! The choice that she’s made for this night has been with a clear mind and without fear. She has chosen to marry her soul-mate, William Henderson, on this day. They will bind their hearts together before God and everyone who has gathered. They will join together in holy matrimony on the very same deck that had once been filled with no hope. Just like that night in February, it will again be cold. And, coffee will be served!

April’s boys were there for a short while the night that no hope had shown up. They were not allowed on the back deck. They couldn’t see through the mini-blinds because they were kept closed. Protecting them was needed and was the goal. Even though they couldn’t see what was going on, her oldest son knew something was wrong. And he knew it involved his mother, his heart.

On this cold December afternoon Hunter and Clayton will be allowed on the back deck. They will be a major part of the celebration. Together, they will walk their mother up the aisle to a new hope; to a blessed beginning for all of them. Hunter’s heart has been restored. His hope has been renewed. His heart will beat, once again, for his mother just like it did before that dreadful night. As for Clayton, well, he just knows that something fun is happening. And that in itself is wonderful! After all, isn’t restoration fun??

There’s something about the month of February that has not always brought joy to April’s life. Two marriages and an arrest linger in memory. They didn’t come as a surprise to God. He knew they would happen. December, however, has offered a newness and thankfulness to an end of those memories. I guess they kind of had to happen so that this day could be celebrated in its fullness. There had to be a death (arrest), in order to experience new life…

So much has happened to lead to this night that will be filled with celebration. Not all of it has been pretty. Not all of it has been without fear. And not all of it has been with a clear mind. Only a loving God can do that. Only He can wrap a gift that had not seemed possible to receive.

As for several hundred years ago, joy was brought back to the world in only 3 days. Jesus – our only Hope – walked out of a darkened tomb defeating death forever. Because He was victorious we can be, too. If we accept the Lord Jesus Christ as our personal Savior, we are victorious!! (1 Corinthians 15:57)

It is because of this victory that our family gathers in celebration for April and William. And not just for them but for Hunter and Clayton, too! Our hearts will be singing “Noel, come and see what God has done! Noel, the story of amazing love. The Light of the world given for us, Noel.” (Chris Tomlin featuring Lauren Daigle)

In awe of Him,

Vonda

Stay the Course

I love one-liners in movies. For some reason they tend to stick with me. “I’ll never let go”, “If you jump, I jump”, “Show me the money”, “You had me at hello”, “Will you finish what you have started?” just to quote a few. The list could go on and on! In the movie, The Patriot, three words were spoken that went deep into my soul. Those same three words remain there even now: stay the course.

Benjamin Martin, played by Mel Gibson, was mourning the loss of his son, Gabriel, who’d become one of the casualties of the war. Colonel Harry Burwell, a Continental officer, was trying to persuade him to stay the course, to see it through to the finish. But, things looked bad to Martin. He wanted to give up. His oldest son was now gone and he’d lost a younger son earlier, as well. To continue the cause seemed pointless. Martin felt as if there was no fight left in him. He was ready to give up.

I really do get that.  I’ve asked myself many times: What’s the point? Is it truly going to change anything? There have been times that surrendering to my thoughts and feelings seemed to be the only logical action to take. Nothing I did appeared to make a difference. The battle I was engaged in was only going to leave me defeated. Things looked bad and I wanted to give up. There just didn’t seem to be a fight, a will, left in me to continue. Even though it was just a movie, I do understand how Martin felt. I’m sure a lot of us do.

But Colonel Burwell knew what Martin meant to the cause. He knew that Martin was influential for the others to continue forward. Burwell knew something Martin didn’t know – he was an inspiration. If Martin continued to stay on course the others would be inspired to do so, as well. They were tired, no doubt, but they could find purpose in the course if Martin stayed.

One Friday evening I was reminded of those words again: stay the course. Raymond and I had gone to a nearby town to pick up a couple of things from a craft store. While checking out at the register he began to feel bad. Thinking he just needed to eat he shook it off. But, it was more than that, he was sick. Leaving the store he knew we had to find a place to eat. As we were sitting in the restaurant he started sweating. That’s not necessarily unusual. (One of the major side effects of a particular medication he takes is sweating.) What was unusual was the amount of sweating. His head, face, arms, and even legs were pouring with sweat. He was so hot…and was beginning to panic. It was a different kind of panic this time. He began to panic for me. He was concerned that I would be embarrassed, humiliated, because of him.

There was a couple sitting at the table next to ours. I have no idea if they were watching all of this unfold or not; Raymond could see them much better than I could. He was already humiliated and was so afraid that I would be, too. My heart went out to him. Some where along the way Humiliation had sat down at our table and had intended to stay.

I reached my hand across the table and asked for his. He was unable to comply. His eyes spoke volumes. His mind was in a battle. He could not reach across the table to hold my hand or even touch it. He didn’t have the energy. This was different. It was more than just the sweating that was wrong; he wasn’t feeling well at all, he was sick. For just a brief moment, I could have panicked. Not because I was only thinking of myself and how this must all look. Not because I was angry for him “ruining” my dinner (Raymond’s words, not mine!). I could have felt a lot of selfish things, but they never crossed my mind. What did cross my mind was fear. I didn’t know what to do that could change all of this. I didn’t know how to make him feel better mentally or physically. And somehow I had believed that it was my job to change what was happening.

For a brief moment, the inner child in me wanted to find a corner and curl up in it. I wanted to hold my legs as close to me as possible and bury my face in them. I didn’t know what to do to change any of this. I didn’t want him to feel embarrassment for me or for himself. At that moment I felt entirely helpless and that was a horrible feeling. All I could do was watch the man I dearly loved experience this attack on his body and his mind. Not only had Humiliation sat down at our table but Fear had come along, too.

“Stay the course, Vonda. Stay the course.” I could hear those very precious words. Fear was no longer welcomed at our table. He had to go! No longer did I want to find a corner to curl up in. No longer did I want to bury my face. The inner child was gone and the desire-to-be-a-fully-dependent-on-Christ adult took over. I took a deep breath and began to silently pray. The Lord was there and He would see us through. I felt the presence of Peace. Peace had come and sat beside me. Once Peace sat down at the table, Fear had got up and left. I knew what to do then. It was important to me for Raymond to feel calmness coming from me. I wanted him to know that everything would be ok and that I was ok. I wanted him to know that my concern was for him and nothing more and no one else. However, Humiliation was still at the table sitting beside him and was no help at all.

Raymond’s mind was in a battle. He was waging a very real war. Should I ask the man at the table next to us to help Vonda get me to the car? Should I just wait it out? What is happening to me? Will Vonda be angry at me? Oh Lord, please help! Those were the thoughts going through his mind and he really didn’t know what to do. Out of fear that he wouldn’t be able to stand up, we just sat and waited. We had not ordered anything to eat except for dessert. Surely something cool would lower his body temperature on the inside, thus making him feel better. Since it was an ice cream dish our hopes were that it would cool him on the inside and stop, or at least slow down, the sweating on the outside. So far the ice cold drink on the table had not helped, just maybe the dessert would. Desperation had begun to head in Raymond’s direction. Humiliation had invited him.

After what seemed like forever, something cold to eat was finally in front of us. Within a few bites, the look on Raymond’s face had begun to change. Evidently Desperation had seen it too. For a moment Desperation had thought he would join Humiliation at our table. But he never really got to sit down. The sweating had slowed down a good bit and Raymond was able to communicate with me better. He had been talking to me some but only through Humiliation. This time it was really Raymond doing the talking; he was beginning to feel a little better. However, he did keep on apologizing for everything. I could not seem to convince him that he had nothing to apologize for. Although he was the one experiencing the attack he was still more concerned about me. (Isn’t that sweet? I love this man so!)

We sat together a few more minutes and talked. We definitely talked about how good each of our desserts had tasted (no doubt!). But we also talked more about what he had physically experienced. This episode had been something he’d never experienced before. It had kind of frightened him. There had been a feeling of tightness across his midsection while his arms and legs seemed to have tingled. The thought of a heart attack had even crossed his mind. He wouldn’t let me take him to the Emergency Room to get checked out. He just wanted to go home. With the strength he had seemed to regain, Raymond was able to walk out of the restaurant on his own accord, praise God! Humiliation was left behind to sit at the table alone.

That night we both in our own way had heard the words, stay the course. We listened and were able to see that moment at the table through. Those words offered strength … God’s strength. I am pretty certain another time will come when we hear those words again; that will not be the last time.

   Hebrews 12:1-3> “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of  witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” (NIV)

We never know who is watching us. We never know if our journey is meant to encourage someone else. Just like Colonel Burwell pleaded with Martin, someone may be pleading with us to not give up…to stay the course. We may be reminding ourselves, as well. There’s no doubt that when our faith feels like it is torn and tattered God is encouraging us to stay the course. We each have to run with perseverance the race marked out for us and we must keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. He endured the cross, scorned its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Stay the course...Jesus did. What better example is there?

In awe of Him,
~ Vonda


**Heavenly Father, how we thank You Lord for enduring the cross for our sins, for scorning its shame, and for sitting down at the right hand of Your Father's throne announcing to us that it is truly finished. Gracious Lord, we thank You for finishing what You started, for You are our example and our encourager to stay the course. Provide us with Your strength, Lord, to run the race marked out for us. Help us to fix our eyes on You and not on anyone, or anything, else. Thank You Jesus for loving us even when we want to give up. It is in Your most Holy Name that we pray ~ Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Preparing For Battle

Ephesians 6:11 > "Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil." (ESV)

      It was around 5:45 a.m. when I was ready to go on my quick morning walk. I began to pray and ask God's help in a particular matter that I seem to be struggling with too often. I had not been taking those ugly thoughts captive; I had entertained them instead. I really needed the Lord's help with this. Everything I had tried to do seemed to have been the wrong thing. Yet, I couldn't understand why.  I had put on the Armor of God, or so I thought. I went through the motions as if I had.
     And then it hit me: what next? I had physically and mentally gone through the motions of putting on the armor but then I couldn't remember ever doing anything next! I saw myself just standing there. Here I was with all of my armor on and I was standing still. What was I waiting on? What possible good was it doing me? And then it hit me; I wasn't winning the battle because I never engaged in it. Oh I was suited up alright, but somewhere along the line I had either sat down or just simply stood still.
     You don't win wars that way. Could you imagine if the Roman soldier's had suited up and just stood there without ever moving? Once this armor is put on we need to be ready. We need to be watching. And then we need to engage the battle. We don't need to just look the part of a warrior, we need to be that warrior!!
     Roman soldiers were prepared before they put on their armor. Constant and rigorous training kept them at peak conditions, and ready for action at any time. These men were physically fit. It would take a man of great strength to be able to wear the armor; otherwise he would be weighted down. Engaging in the battle would become difficult. He would be a sitting duck. A heavy sitting duck, nonetheless!
     We need to be physically fit as well. How we do that is by becoming spiritually fit. The Word of God provides everything we need to become spiritually fit. Then we become mentally fit which will lead to physically fit! After all, it's our responsibility to make sure we are ready. God has provided the armor with directions on how and why to wear it.
     Each piece was important for the soldier's well-being. Each piece was purposely and intentionally put on. The same holds true for us today. Just like the Roman soldier was trained in the purpose of each piece of armor, so are we. God never intended for us to put it on and not know what each piece was for. If we don't know what each piece is for we won't know how to properly use it. It won't be effective.
     Roman soldier's wore a very wide belt around their waist. It held a lot of equipment. Their was a loop for different swords, a loop that held ropes, a loop that held the ration sack for the loot they picked up, and a loop that held darts. The belt was tied in several places to stay in place. No matter how the soldier moved about the belt was always in place with weapons at the ready. If the belt was not on straight, everything would be out of place for the soldier. His efficiency in battle would be decreased and could even cost him his life.
     A breastplate was needed for protection of the heart since it is responsible for sending blood throughout the body. It was attached to the belt by leather strips of material that passed through rings on the bottom to keep it solidly attached. It was anchored to the belt plus above the belt. The belt had to be on first and then the breastplate.
     The footwear for a Roman soldier had spikes on the sole. It provided them a strong enough stance and balance that gave them a superior posture in battle on hills and uneven terrain.  A strong stance gives the soldier a better opportunity to fight when the enemy is in his face. Balance offers a steadiness for the fight.
     A long, rectangular, knees-to-shin shield protected them from arrows and spears. It could also be knelt behind during a bombardment of them. It was heavier and clumsier than what the Greek's used. Therefore, the soldier went through a series of exercises designed to give them flexibility and strength for using the shield. Several soldiers could get close together to form a circle, hold their shields over their heads and it would protect them from fiery arrows.
     The helmet used had chinstrap, visor, and came down to cover the back and sides of the neck. It was said to be the best helmet of the ancient world.
     Last, but certainly not least, was the sword. It was two-edged with the end turned upward. Not only was it intended to kill, but it could also rip the enemy's insides to shreds. He didn't even have to turn his sword around to inflict more damage because it cut in two directions. This sword was a very deadly and powerful weapon.
     The armor God has given us is just like the Roman soldier's armor. The Word of God is our belt of truth. It should be the first thing we put on. If we do not use the Word of God as our belt of truth, we have no foundation on which to base our warfare with the enemy. The truth of God's Word holds things in place where they need to be.
     The breastplate is of righteousness. It is a weapon of defense against the condemnation of the evil one. The heart of man is prone to temptation. We are righteous in God's sight because of what Jesus has done for us. Therefore, the breastplate of righteousness is important.
     Just like the Roman soldier was equipped with the right shoes, so are we.  It is the gospel of peace. They help us stand with our feet planted firmly on the Word of God, unmoved by the devil's threats and lies. These shoes will keep us steady when we walk through rough places and when we are in the heat of battle.
     Our shield of faith is the promises of God. With it we can extinguish all of the enemy's lies, his arrows. Each time the enemy shoots an arrow of lies in our direction, we can hold up the shield of faith to ward them off. The Word of God tells us who we are in Him and we can certainly use it against the evil one. We can even come together in a close circle, hold our shields above our heads, and it will protect us from fiery arrows!
     A well-designed helmet will protect us from different angles of attack. Our greatest battlefield is in our minds. (Do I hear an Amen!?) Satan's biggest attack is against the assurance of our salvation. We have to protect our minds with the helmet of salvation. Thinking on things that are true, honest, and of good report are very important. Anything less would mean the helmet is damaged. That would be our fault, not God's. We have to be on guard on what we allow to run free in our minds. We need a clear mind to be discerning in all situations.
     Our sword of the Spirit is the Word of God. When the enemy comes at us we need to swing our sword of the Word of God. Every single time we use our sword against him it is a major blow to him. It is sharp and will inflict much damage.
     As God's children, we've each been equipped with an armor that will win in any battle. It's up to us to become physically fit to wear it and spiritually equipped to use it to engage in the battle; not to stand still.
     So suit up! You are going to need it in every area of your life! In your marriages, work place, school, as parents, and quite possibly as a child. There's no area in our lives that Satan will not come at us in! The list is endless. With the armor God has equipped us with we can engage in the battle...

 

In awe of Him,

~ Vonda

 

 

 

 

Lessons From a Dirty Pool - When The Trash Is Awakened

Pool season has begun! It's time to get outside and soak up the sun. It's a time for me to get on a float and...well..., float! It's a time to breathe. There's something about relaxing. It truly does a body good! Before I can get to the place of relaxation the pool has to be cleaned. It's a job I'm not looking forward to but the end results will make it all worth it.

We didn't cover the pool when the season ended last year, so you can only imagine how gross it was. We did not maintain it at all during the off-season. Whenever I would walk past it I never really looked in it, I just glanced at it. If we had company and a comment was made on the green water, I would jokingly say, "We are still celebrating St. Patrick's Day!" That got a few laughs and the focus off the pool.

One early morning, I took a look into the pool. I didn't glance this time, I really looked. The green wasn't quite as thick (only because my husband had started putting chemicals in it a couple of days earlier). This time I could see the "trash" that had settled on the bottom. It wasn't stirred up; it was dormant. It was just perfectly content being undisturbed on the bottom. I knew I was going to have to get into the "not-quite-as-thick" green water. Yuck! I was NOT looking forward to that at all. The very thought of the water touching my skin gave me the hibby-jibbies! But to thoroughly clean the pool it meant that I had to get in.  

Slowly, very slowly, I put one foot in at a time. I dreaded the "bottom-of-the-pool-trash" waking up. As long as I could keep the trash asleep, the better I felt about getting in. Waking it up was not going to be fun. I didn't know if I could contain it. There was just no other way. Hopefully, the trash that remained on the bottom could easily be vacuumed out. Surely I could handle that. Surely it would be easy.

Once I was completely in and totally grossed out, the trash awakened. As long as it was asleep it didn't look quite as bad. Now that it was awake, I could no longer see the bottom of the pool! It was awful! The "not-quite-as-thick" green water became "oh-my-word-it's-so-gross" green water! And I am in the middle of it! What once seemed like a sleeping kitty had awakened to become a roaring lion!!

It was overwhelming. I was overwhelmed! How was I going to get this clean? I could feel panic rising in me. I stood there trying to wrap my mind around what I needed to do. If only we had put a cover over the pool to guard it from the trash getting in. If only we had kept it clean since we didn't keep it covered. "If only..." I had a choice to make. I could stand there with my "If only" or I could ask the Lord for strength. His strength to be able to endure cleaning this mess.

While I was chest deep in all that gunk I started thinking about the heart. I could see the similarities between the two. If the heart is not guarded (covered) then all of the world's trash can get in. Only the Lord can clean the heart.

There have been times that the "trash" in my heart was asleep. All it took was one incident, any incident, to wake it up. And then it became like a roaring lion. While it was asleep, I felt as if I was okay. Unless I had paid attention, I could easily forget that it was there. Other times, I would simply tip-toe around it so that I wouldn't wake it up. I didn't want to disturb it. I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't know what it would reveal about me.

The enemy wants the trash to stay in our heart. He wants it to sleep there as long as possible. As long as it is there, our hearts are never clean. True joy (like getting to float in a clean pool!) cannot be experienced. Freedom will be unreachable. Fear of waking the roaring lion keeps us in chains to it.

In order to allow the cleansing we first have to confess that the trash is there. ("Lord, I cannot live this life anymore. This "sleeping trash" that I have been so content to keep has got to be removed. I have allowed it to stay far too long.") Then we ask the Lord to step into our "oh-my-word-it's-so-gross" green water and clean it. ("Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:10 NKJV)

Once the Lord starts cleaning, there is no telling what will be revealed. When the "trash" is awakened nothing will be hidden. We won't like what we will see and it will even hurt, too. But it's the only way to get rid of it. However, the end results will make it all worth it.

Just like the pool needs daily maintaining, so does the heart. It's important to not let either one get out of hand!

In awe of Him,
~Vonda

****Heavenly Father, thank You for Your cleansing power. Thank You for loving us enough to be willing to step into the thick green water of our hearts to make it clean. Father, please give us Your strength to maintain it on a daily basis. May we never become content with anything that is not of You. ~Amen


 

Not Measuring Up on Mother's Day

     When my daughters were little I remember looking forward to Mother's Day. After all, it was because of them that I could celebrate that day. They were so excited to give the hand made cards and gifts. I was thrilled to get them! It just seemed like a win-win for all of us. My husband took great pride in making sure the day was special. And of course, it was! He enjoyed taking them shopping for that one perfect gift.
     Once the girls had gotten older, Mother's Day seemed different. It was sad to me. All I could seem to do was look back on all my failures as a mom. Once they were old enough to drive the control I thought I had was gone. Boy did I make a ton of mistakes! Some of them were knowingly. Those were the ones that haunted me every Mother's Day. Those were the ones that I couldn't seem to get past. I can still beat myself up for the things that I allowed them to do. Possibly even encouraged. I was definitely NOT the mother-of-the-year!
     The girls were so sweet to remind me that the choices were always theirs to make. Through those choices they were able to grow. They were able to stretch their wings. (Even if at times it was way too much stretching!) To them, they learned valuable lessons. To me, I failed them.
     I remember a Mother's Day many years ago, my husband and I, along with both daughters, were sitting in church listening to the pastor. Everything he read in Proverbs about a virtuous woman did not seem to be me. The more the sermon went on the worse I felt. I wanted to cry! I wanted to get up and run out of there! Instead, I stayed seated dying on the inside.
     In those days, perfection was my goal. I HAD to be the perfect wife. I HAD to be the perfect mother. I didn't believe in failure. I had boastfully stated many times, "Oh, my girls wouldn't dare do that! They know better!" I didn't know then how bad "crow" could taste... I expected perfection from them. If they weren't perfect then that meant I wasn't either. But for me, I took it as failure. They were never going to be perfect, they were human. The pressure I placed on them was unreal. They were never going to measure up to the standards that I had set for them. Who could?
     Sitting in church that day was a major eye opener for me. I couldn't bear what I was seeing in myself. The enemy was having so much fun destroying me! He would continuously remind me of my failures. And I kept listening to him. To me, he'd only spoken the truth. I couldn't fight him.
     It has taken time to not view Mother's Day as a sad occasion. I had to start looking at my own mother. I feel so incredibly blessed to have her as my mother. She's never been perfect, never claimed to be either. Yet, I knew that even through what she considers as failure she grew from them. That gave me hope. I've not seen her repeat the things that she herself was never proud of as a mother. They were simply stepping stones to the mother God always intended her to be. Her mistakes have definitely given me hope. I know how I view her. Her heart for her children is as pure as gold. Oh she definitely gets frustrated at each of us for the ridiculous decisions we make. But she still sees our hearts for who we really want to be.
     Will I ever be the perfect mother? Heavens no! But that's not my goal anymore. I want to be a godly mother. I can't change the past. But I can take a new path. It's up to me whether or not I allow the enemy to remind me of all my past failures.
    Yes, I have failed a lot as a mother. I have failed a lot as a wife. Truth be known, I will fail a lot again. Thank You Lord for Your grace and mercy!!
    
    Proverbs 31:30> Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (NIV)

     I want my girls to see me as a woman who fears the Lord......

In awe of Him,
~Vonda

"Are You the Messiah?" - When Doubt Creeps In

Matthew 11:2-3 > John the Baptist, who was in prison, heard about all the things the Messiah was doing. So he sent his disciples to ask Jesus, "Are You the Messiah we've been expecting, or should we keep looking for someone else?" (NLT)

 

 

I have to be honest. There were times that I doubted God. Even after the things that I had seen Him do. I even doubted His Sovereignty. All of these bad things seemed to have been happening to my husband and I while others around us seemed to be flourishing. We were trying so hard to live for the Lord and they were simply doing their own thing. They were living life their way. Yes, I started doubting God. I soon felt imprisoned by my own thoughts of doubt. Well, so did John the Baptist. The only difference was he really was in prison.  

One of the Bible studies I've done is by Beth Moore called “JESUS, the One and Only”. In the book it mentions that John the Baptist had experienced doubt. I know, right?? I wouldn’t have thought that either! Not John the Baptist. Before he was born he leaped in his mother’s womb when he heard the voice of Jesus’ mother, Mary. Surely that had to mean something. Surely that would mean that he would never have a doubt about who Jesus was. Not even while he was in prison. Right? Well, not really.

John grew up in the wilderness and was taught by the Holy Spirit. When it was time for him to begin his ministry he did so with gusto! He never wavered on his message. He even denounced the Pharisees and Sadducees when they came to watch him baptize people. He really had a message for them! He called them ‘brood of vipers’. John the Baptist truly believed the message that he preached. He really believed that there was One coming after him who was more powerful, whose sandals he wasn’t even worthy to remove. When Jesus showed up for John to baptize Him he didn’t want to. He felt like it should be the other way around. Jesus should be baptizing him. So how could he possibly have had doubts? That gives me such hope when my thoughts tend to turn to doubt.

Numerous writings have indicated that John had been in prison for about a year or so. A year of being locked up. No doubt he was lonely and even discouraged! Prisons then were a bit different than compared to today. But one thing remains the same: confinement. He wasn’t free to go and do as he wanted. His heart wanted to keep on proclaiming repentance of and forgiveness of sin. So it caused him to wonder: 'If Jesus were truly the Messiah that even he had believed Him to be then why was he still allowed to be in prison? Why wasn’t he out doing some good?' When you feel imprisoned by something it tends to mess with your mind. It can cause a person to look back to ‘yesterday’. It reminds you of what you can no longer do, where you can no longer go. Being discouraged and lonely only accelerates it. He could not understand why he was in prison; not now while it mattered the most. He could still be doing some good. As the months passed by, John wondered if he’d made a mistake. Was Jesus really the Messiah? Was Someone else coming instead? While being discouraged and lonely, doubt had crept in. Boy do I get that!

Being mentally imprisoned by something can definitely cause you to question things. Things that you never thought you’d question. Doubt starts to creep in. I had believed with all my heart that God was going to heal my husband physically. I believed that He told me He was going to. It just didn’t seem to be coming. I waited and waited. I even proclaimed it in my heart. The pain that he was feeling in his foot seemed to be getting worse. It even moved to his “good” foot. “How can this be, Lord? Did I misunderstand You?” It seemed as if my soul was sinking into despair. I was so discouraged and started questioning what I thought I’d heard. Yep, I felt as if my doubts had me trapped in a mental prison.

The smile plastered across my face wasn’t real. I kept trying to convince myself that everything was ok and my faith had not wavered. Let’s just say that I did not do a very good job. I just knew that if God would heal my husband like I’d believed He said He would do, then the testimony we’d both have would be awesome!! God would get all kinds of glory! I didn’t quite comprehend just what was truly in my thoughts at first. The walls in my mental prison were getting closer and closer. Before I knew it I found myself asking: “Lord, are You really Him, the Messiah? Or should I expect Someone else?” It seemed that maybe He wasn’t the part of the Trinity that healed. Maybe I had not encountered that One yet.

God is so patient. I don’t know how He does it! He released my thoughts from prison. The question soon came to be: “Even if the healing doesn’t come like you expect it, Vonda, will you still glorify Me?” Oh, wow. I wasn’t quite expecting that. I really had to ask myself if I was willing to surrender to His way of healing. The way He chose to. It wasn’t necessarily easy to answer. Nor was it an answer that I could quickly give. Could I, or even would I, glorify the Lord if my husband's healing didn’t come like I wanted it to? What if it never came at all? And then a flood gate of peace opened up and poured into me like a mighty river. He had already been healed! Just not in the way that I had expected. His healing came through salvation and forgiveness. (So did mine! So did every person who has surrendered their lives to the Lord!) We may never (but we also might!) see the fruition of his healing on this side of heaven, but one day he will experience complete healing! How could I possibly ask for anything more?!? Christ died so that one day we could all experience a complete healing. The choice is ours to make.

After peace flowed through my veins I could see that sometimes the greatest testimony we could live for the Lord is through pain. God has chosen my husband and I for this particular journey to glorify Him through. This journey with pain can in no way be done without the Lord’s strength.

Although John the Baptist knew deep down that Jesus was the Messiah, he still experienced a moment of doubt. Discouragement had found a way in. However, Jesus answered his doubts. “Go back and report to John…” It was important enough to Jesus to answer him, to send word back; especially during a time of discouragement. By pointing to the miracles that were taking place around him, Jesus had basically answered, “I am.” John asked Jesus a question while he was discouraged and Jesus took the time to answer. Jesus knew John’s heart. Even though he was in prison, miracles were still happening. He just needed a little reminder of who Jesus was. Boy, did He show me that as well. Isn’t God pretty awesome? Wonderful miracles were taking place all around us and I kept missing them. I kept on looking and waiting for the physical healing that I had almost missed the spiritual one. But just like Jesus did for John, He did for me too. He answered right in the middle of my discouragement: “I am.”

 

When doubt starts to creep in take a moment to open your eyes. Really look around you and see just what the Lord has done! When you find yourself asking, "Are You the Messiah we've been expecting, or should we keep looking for someone else?" Listen closely to His reply, "I am."

 

In awe of Him,

~Vonda

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remember the Sabbath Day

Deuteronomy 5:12 > "Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy, as the Lord your God has commanded you." (NIV)

     Even as a child I knew this to be one of the Ten Commandments. I didn't know which one I just knew it was one of them. My take away on this was to rest on the Sabbath because the Lord did. That was enough for me. That meant I could have a wonderful excuse to do nothing all day! But it meant so much more than I expected.
     This morning that fourth Commandment opened my eyes. Verse 15 says: "Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the Lord your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore the Lord your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day." There is a reason we are to remember the Sabbath. In twenty two words it summed it up for me. It became very personal. Remember that you were slaves...the Lord your God brought you out...with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Do you see it? We are to remember what the Lord has brought us out of.
     Egypt became a place of slavery for the Isrealites. A place of bondage. They were worked so hard. Despair had even crept in. This caused me to remember my personal Egypt, my personal place of slavery and bondage. We have all had one. To remember must mean that you've gone through it; that you're no longer there. Now that is something to shout about! 
     Have we forgotten what the Lord has brought us out of? We need to remember who or what we used to be. We need to remember just what the Lord has delivered us from! And don't forget that He did it with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. The Sabbath should be filled with praises to the Lord. How could we possibly not? That really humbled me.
     Have I truly praised Him when I look back and remember just what He's brought me out of? He loved me so much that He brought me out with His mighty hand (nails driven into both) and an outstretched arm (to die on a cross).  I know that I will never be able to thank God and praise Him nearly enough for what He has done for me. Oh, there's still much work to be done in my life. But God is not finished.

In awe of Him,
~Vonda


***Heavenly Father, I just want to say thank You for loving me so much that You did not leave me in Egypt. Thank You Lord for Your mighty hands that You allowed man to drive nails into, for stretching out Your arms to die on a cross. I can never repay such a debt. But Lord I surrender my life for You to use for Your glory. Help me to always remember who You are and that there is nothing that You cannot do.  Deliverance is just one of Your many attributes. Thank You Father for still working on me......Amen

There Are Times When "Martha" Is Needed

Michelle had been mentally side-tracked for a few days. She knew that "this" was not a good idea. However, even though she prayed about the situation it was still not her decision to make. She had to let go and give it to the Lord. He gave her the strength to do just that. It was not easy! But she had to surrender "this" to Him. Six days later, Michelle would be tested. 

It was an ordinary work day for a propane company in February. Hectic! It was cold and the night was going to be even colder. The phones had been ringing off the hook. Finally, the day had come to an end. It was time to go home. (Had she known what was going to take place at home, she might would have opted to stay at work!) The breaking news on the radio that afternoon had been about a robbery close by. I'm not sure if she really heard the news or if she was too afraid to really hear it. One thing is for sure, it didn't matter if she heard it or not, "it" still happened.

Mom called to tell her, "You need to turn on the news right now. You need to watch it." Of course, she had no idea why. And then she saw. Things were about to become very scarey. Before she knew it, there were men carrying flashlights in her yard. She never had time to think. (Perhaps that in itself was a blessing.)

The only thing that I knew to do was to go and be by her side. When I got there I could tell she was close to having a breakdown. Who could blame her? There were men in law enforcement everywhere! She didn't fully understand what was happening. Yes, she had seen the news and she knew why they were there. Yet, it wasn't really clicking in her mind. She knew part of the story, she just didn't know all of it. She was scared.

As the night wore on so did the bitter cold. I don't think I will ever forget it! I know that Michelle won't. I'm not sure the officers will either. God was there that night. And He was at work. Up and down the ramp she and I went and not once did we fall. No one did! Not once did it ice over. Which was a miracle! The ramp leading up the back deck would always have ice whenever it was cold. But, not that night. 

I had been reminded of Luke 2:8-9> "And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear."(ESV) The shepherds were afraid. Their normal night had been disrupted. No, it wasn't law enforcement that showed up! But, they were caught off guard. They never expected anything to happen. Michelle had never expected what happened that night at her house either. Just like the shepherds, she too, was afraid. Her night had been disrupted. The incredible thing is this, the shepherds did not run. They stayed! Fear tends to cause people to run. And yet they didn't. Because they didn't, they heard the most amazing news.

Well, Michelle didn't run either. And ya know what she did?? She made coffee. Two pots of coffee! Her goal was to make sure that everyone there could have a hot cup of coffee on such a cold night. Even though her world was turning upside down, she took the time to think of them, to serve them. After all, they were only doing their job. It wasn't personal.

She had become Martha. Martha always busied herself doing things. For Michelle that night, it gave her purpose. In Luke 10:40 it says: "But Martha was distracted with much serving." The thing I have heard most about this particular passage in the Bible is how Martha missed it. She was so busy preparing things that she missed hearing what Jesus had to say. I think that at first that she just wanted everything to be nice. But then it got the best of her. It became more important. In essence, Martha allowed herself to become too busy to sit, to listen, and to learn. She didn't have to be. She could have sat like Mary did at Jesus' feet. Martha's choice in being busy was never needed. However, for Michelle that night, being "distracted with much serving" was truly a good thing. She didn't have to think of what was happening. That particular distraction enabled her to serve with grace.

 In John 12:2 it also says: "Martha served". This time, her serving was a good thing.

 That night Michelle stayed busy serving. Up and down the ramp she went carrying cups, cream, sugar, and two coffee pots. Her night had been interrupted and she was scared.  Oh she wanted to run!!! Her legs just wouldn't allow her, too. Instead she chose to stay and to serve. Yes indeed, Martha was needed that night!

I caught myself watching her and absolutely admiring her. I received a greater blessing just being there to serve beside her.