Stay the Course

I love one-liners in movies. For some reason they tend to stick with me. “I’ll never let go”, “If you jump, I jump”, “Show me the money”, “You had me at hello”, “Will you finish what you have started?” just to quote a few. The list could go on and on! In the movie, The Patriot, three words were spoken that went deep into my soul. Those same three words remain there even now: stay the course.

Benjamin Martin, played by Mel Gibson, was mourning the loss of his son, Gabriel, who’d become one of the casualties of the war. Colonel Harry Burwell, a Continental officer, was trying to persuade him to stay the course, to see it through to the finish. But, things looked bad to Martin. He wanted to give up. His oldest son was now gone and he’d lost a younger son earlier, as well. To continue the cause seemed pointless. Martin felt as if there was no fight left in him. He was ready to give up.

I really do get that.  I’ve asked myself many times: What’s the point? Is it truly going to change anything? There have been times that surrendering to my thoughts and feelings seemed to be the only logical action to take. Nothing I did appeared to make a difference. The battle I was engaged in was only going to leave me defeated. Things looked bad and I wanted to give up. There just didn’t seem to be a fight, a will, left in me to continue. Even though it was just a movie, I do understand how Martin felt. I’m sure a lot of us do.

But Colonel Burwell knew what Martin meant to the cause. He knew that Martin was influential for the others to continue forward. Burwell knew something Martin didn’t know – he was an inspiration. If Martin continued to stay on course the others would be inspired to do so, as well. They were tired, no doubt, but they could find purpose in the course if Martin stayed.

One Friday evening I was reminded of those words again: stay the course. Raymond and I had gone to a nearby town to pick up a couple of things from a craft store. While checking out at the register he began to feel bad. Thinking he just needed to eat he shook it off. But, it was more than that, he was sick. Leaving the store he knew we had to find a place to eat. As we were sitting in the restaurant he started sweating. That’s not necessarily unusual. (One of the major side effects of a particular medication he takes is sweating.) What was unusual was the amount of sweating. His head, face, arms, and even legs were pouring with sweat. He was so hot…and was beginning to panic. It was a different kind of panic this time. He began to panic for me. He was concerned that I would be embarrassed, humiliated, because of him.

There was a couple sitting at the table next to ours. I have no idea if they were watching all of this unfold or not; Raymond could see them much better than I could. He was already humiliated and was so afraid that I would be, too. My heart went out to him. Some where along the way Humiliation had sat down at our table and had intended to stay.

I reached my hand across the table and asked for his. He was unable to comply. His eyes spoke volumes. His mind was in a battle. He could not reach across the table to hold my hand or even touch it. He didn’t have the energy. This was different. It was more than just the sweating that was wrong; he wasn’t feeling well at all, he was sick. For just a brief moment, I could have panicked. Not because I was only thinking of myself and how this must all look. Not because I was angry for him “ruining” my dinner (Raymond’s words, not mine!). I could have felt a lot of selfish things, but they never crossed my mind. What did cross my mind was fear. I didn’t know what to do that could change all of this. I didn’t know how to make him feel better mentally or physically. And somehow I had believed that it was my job to change what was happening.

For a brief moment, the inner child in me wanted to find a corner and curl up in it. I wanted to hold my legs as close to me as possible and bury my face in them. I didn’t know what to do to change any of this. I didn’t want him to feel embarrassment for me or for himself. At that moment I felt entirely helpless and that was a horrible feeling. All I could do was watch the man I dearly loved experience this attack on his body and his mind. Not only had Humiliation sat down at our table but Fear had come along, too.

“Stay the course, Vonda. Stay the course.” I could hear those very precious words. Fear was no longer welcomed at our table. He had to go! No longer did I want to find a corner to curl up in. No longer did I want to bury my face. The inner child was gone and the desire-to-be-a-fully-dependent-on-Christ adult took over. I took a deep breath and began to silently pray. The Lord was there and He would see us through. I felt the presence of Peace. Peace had come and sat beside me. Once Peace sat down at the table, Fear had got up and left. I knew what to do then. It was important to me for Raymond to feel calmness coming from me. I wanted him to know that everything would be ok and that I was ok. I wanted him to know that my concern was for him and nothing more and no one else. However, Humiliation was still at the table sitting beside him and was no help at all.

Raymond’s mind was in a battle. He was waging a very real war. Should I ask the man at the table next to us to help Vonda get me to the car? Should I just wait it out? What is happening to me? Will Vonda be angry at me? Oh Lord, please help! Those were the thoughts going through his mind and he really didn’t know what to do. Out of fear that he wouldn’t be able to stand up, we just sat and waited. We had not ordered anything to eat except for dessert. Surely something cool would lower his body temperature on the inside, thus making him feel better. Since it was an ice cream dish our hopes were that it would cool him on the inside and stop, or at least slow down, the sweating on the outside. So far the ice cold drink on the table had not helped, just maybe the dessert would. Desperation had begun to head in Raymond’s direction. Humiliation had invited him.

After what seemed like forever, something cold to eat was finally in front of us. Within a few bites, the look on Raymond’s face had begun to change. Evidently Desperation had seen it too. For a moment Desperation had thought he would join Humiliation at our table. But he never really got to sit down. The sweating had slowed down a good bit and Raymond was able to communicate with me better. He had been talking to me some but only through Humiliation. This time it was really Raymond doing the talking; he was beginning to feel a little better. However, he did keep on apologizing for everything. I could not seem to convince him that he had nothing to apologize for. Although he was the one experiencing the attack he was still more concerned about me. (Isn’t that sweet? I love this man so!)

We sat together a few more minutes and talked. We definitely talked about how good each of our desserts had tasted (no doubt!). But we also talked more about what he had physically experienced. This episode had been something he’d never experienced before. It had kind of frightened him. There had been a feeling of tightness across his midsection while his arms and legs seemed to have tingled. The thought of a heart attack had even crossed his mind. He wouldn’t let me take him to the Emergency Room to get checked out. He just wanted to go home. With the strength he had seemed to regain, Raymond was able to walk out of the restaurant on his own accord, praise God! Humiliation was left behind to sit at the table alone.

That night we both in our own way had heard the words, stay the course. We listened and were able to see that moment at the table through. Those words offered strength … God’s strength. I am pretty certain another time will come when we hear those words again; that will not be the last time.

   Hebrews 12:1-3> “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of  witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” (NIV)

We never know who is watching us. We never know if our journey is meant to encourage someone else. Just like Colonel Burwell pleaded with Martin, someone may be pleading with us to not give up…to stay the course. We may be reminding ourselves, as well. There’s no doubt that when our faith feels like it is torn and tattered God is encouraging us to stay the course. We each have to run with perseverance the race marked out for us and we must keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. He endured the cross, scorned its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Stay the course...Jesus did. What better example is there?

In awe of Him,
~ Vonda


**Heavenly Father, how we thank You Lord for enduring the cross for our sins, for scorning its shame, and for sitting down at the right hand of Your Father's throne announcing to us that it is truly finished. Gracious Lord, we thank You for finishing what You started, for You are our example and our encourager to stay the course. Provide us with Your strength, Lord, to run the race marked out for us. Help us to fix our eyes on You and not on anyone, or anything, else. Thank You Jesus for loving us even when we want to give up. It is in Your most Holy Name that we pray ~ Amen.