Time Lost

It’s sad when your eyes are finally opened to time that has been lost. Time that you cannot get back. Time that has been wasted. Regret starts to sink in. You can’t go back and change anything. “I’m sorry” is no longer possible to say. It’s really hard when you have to admit that that particular time is now gone.

There’s been too much death lately. Yet, we know that it is inevitable. Our loved ones will pass on from this life, the life we share with them. It doesn’t make it easy whatsoever to know that it is a part of life. It just explains it. So, what are we, am I, going to do with the time we, I, have now? That’s the important question.

I’ve lost time with loved ones that could have been different.  I truly could have spent more time with them. I could have allowed them to even impact my life in a positive way, if only I had looked. But I didn’t, I chose not to. I let the negative (my insecurity) overpower instead of looking where there could have been positive. Yes, I am ashamed. Yes, I’d love to go back in time, change it and make it better. But I can’t. That time is now lost. Quite honestly, I don’t do well losing things. Normally I try to find whatever is lost. Especially, if it has value to it. Why is it so different with people? Why do we, I, settle with knowing we, I, could do better in finding time and then don’t? How important is it? These past few days have taught me how valuable time really is.

I have family that I haven’t seen in quite a while. At least, that is, until lately. Recently I’ve spent time with them for an important occasion. Not a joyous one, but an important one nonetheless. One rainy afternoon we gathered with a cousin as he and his daughters, laid his wife and their mother to rest. Time had not been on their side. In fact, it had been robbed from them. (Or was it? God knew the when, where and how. He knew the condition of each heart.) Satan had come to “steal and kill and destroy” (John 10:10) their family. For the outsider looking in it could have easily appeared as if he had succeeded. And just for a moment, we could have believed it to. But what the Enemy cannot steal, kill nor destroy are the memories that had been shared. According to our cousin’s pictures and stories, even the things we’d personally witnessed, they’d shared some really great ones! Laughter had once been in their home. It had filled their hearts. Attending church and worshiping the Lord together as a family had really happened. Those times were real…that’s what Satan cannot take. It’s those things we have to hold on to. We don’t hold on to things we wish were different. We have to let those go. If we don’t, then Satan wins. What determines if he wins or not will be what we choose to remember.

That even holds true for us as we look back and see where we could have spent more time with our loved ones. I really could have. The invitation was there to do so, but I chose not to. Is that what I’m going to remember? That the sad truth is I chose not to? Or am I going to allow myself to remember the last good time together? The answer is simple…do I want Satan to win or not? No!!

Just six days after laying one loved one to rest another one is said good-bye to. Once again Satan tried to steal, kill and destroy a life. And again he didn’t win! Just a few days before his last breath he’d gotten it right! He’d asked Jesus into his heart and to be his Lord and Savior. Although cancer had spread throughout his body the knowledge of knowing where he’d spend eternity was more real. That was priceless for his siblings and his children to know. And yes for the rest of us, too.

I do have regrets of not knowing my cousins better. I really do. Regret and knowing that I let them down can flood my heart. I missed out on what could have been. But I can’t change that now. At least, not with those who’ve passed on. But I can with those who are still here.

Psalm 90:12> Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

In awe of Him,

~ Vonda